


K

by madamelibrarian



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Half-Vampires, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian
Summary: Kay came into this world, born of blood. For years she has been lost. Will she ever find herself again?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this in celebration of a follower milestone on Tumblr. It was originally completed in October 2003 and posted to FF.net. I removed it from that site when I came to AO3. 
> 
> Keep in mind while reading this that any mistakes are that of a young author during a time where social media wasn't as strong and betas were hard to come by. 
> 
> To all my tumblr and AO3 followers. I hope you enjoy this little flashback into my writing past. 
> 
> This takes place mainly after BTVS "Lies My Parents Told Me" and after "Destiny"

**My Journal for Posterity**

**_(I will stake trespassers with a runsible spoon and leave them to kiss daylight and if that doesn't work a flame thrower._ ** **_☺_ ** **_have a nice day)_ **

 

My name is Katherine or Kay, for short. You don't need to bother asking about my last name, I don't have one. Not having a last name doesn't bother me; I just use Jones, Smith, or Jackson, whatever is convenient. You're probably asking yourself how someone can go through life without a last name. Actually, it's a lot simpler than you would think. For legal purposes, I do have proper identification, which changes from city to city. I live a simple but by some standards, dangerous life. Of course, if the average person witnessed what I have, I think they'd be in a small padded cell eating pudding through a straw. There are things in this world that are terrifying and ugly, which would beg the question, should I be in a small padded room? I think not. I'm part of the darkness and it's a part of me. I was born that way.

I was born years ago, as most people are. Some would guess that I'm 30 years old or younger. The funny thing is I'm a lot older than that, but I'm not telling you the real number. I like to remain a little mysterious.

My mother was a fighter, a slayer, or rather a potential slayer, and my father was her Watcher. Now, the slayer is one girl who destiny chooses as a fighter, trained to battle the darkness and evil of this world, such as vampires, demons and the like. A Watcher is the one who trains and teaches the slayer about these beings she fights. Don't ask me why. But, these two people conceived me. Nine months into my mother's pregnancy, my father went missing for a week or more, when he returned he had changed, in the literal sense, a group of vampires had turned him and then he returned for my mother. By this time, the Watcher's Council knew what had happened from the pregnancy to my father's disappearance, but they were too late to stop him from killing and turning my mother. My father was waiting for her to rise when the watcher's and the slayers arrived. My parents were promptly staked but only after my removal from the womb. From then on, I was a child of the Watcher's Council. What they didn’t know is that the vampire blood had changed me on a molecular level. I had the strengths of a vampire; speed, agility, hearing, strength and what some would say are weaknesses, blood lust and an extreme sensitivity to the sun. I wouldn't combust in the light but I burned much faster and my eyes hardly tolerated the sun. However, I also had the soul of a human and the warmth of the living.

While I was still very young, I awoke once to an awful pain. Something deep inside of me was terribly wrong and I knew it, but couldn't explain it, so I screamed and cried. Nothing could make me stop in the beginning. After an examination, they determined that I needed blood. I was a hybrid of vampire and human. The council didn’t want me craving human blood so they experimented with various types, pig, dog, rat, rabbit, monkey, snake, if it had blood they tried it. Nothing worked. Then they tried vampire blood. As soon as my small body recognized the new sustenance, the pain stopped. I don’t know how they did it but the supply of vampire blood never stopped, unless I was disobedient. Everything had changed. I was under constant surveillance and I started to keep vampire hours. Sleeping during the day, study at night or at least playing. I was a child after all. I was the council's dog, well fed, well trained and obedient. Sit girl, Good Girl. I had no name, no identity except for the letter, K.

One evening my keeper took me for a walk in the park. I walked ahead of her and slipped around the corner to play some game that only a child could invent. That's when it happened. A group of vampires sprang on my guardian. The fighting and the wet sounds of crushing flesh and bone sent me running as fast as I could. I found a tree with a small hole in the base of the trunk and this is where I hid. I crawled inside and waited for the noise to stop. Of course, now that sounds ridiculous because it wouldn't have mattered if I was standing in the middle of a clearing or sitting in a sealed cave, if the vampires had wanted me badly enough they could have had me. I stayed in that hole for god knows how long and finally all was quiet. The sound of crickets and the trees moving in the wind was all I heard. I came down from my spot and just as I backed out, I saw him, or rather his feet. I looked up and like a scared rabbit, tried to climb back into my hole. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back to him. I was too scared to scream. He pulled me into his arms and started to talk to me. I was finally able to get a good look at him, and my fear melted away. I knew that I was safe with him. He talked softly to me and tried to get me to tell him my name, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders. He looked in the direction of my guardian's body and then told me that I could stay with him. After a few days, I learned that his name was Angel, a vampire, my new guardian.

Angel bought me toys, read me stories, and taught me how to read. He would ask me questions but I didn't know how to answer him, so I said nothing. Did he know what I was? Did he have my red "medicine"? The council never told me what I was taking only that it would make me feel better. I always feared that Angel would send me away if he found out that I was sick. But I couldn't hide it for long. The pain came and I woke in the late evening, (I was a later sleeper) screaming in agony. Angel rushed in and tried to console me, thinking I had a nightmare. I finally told him that I didn't feel good. Angel was obviously not used to children but he tried. He asked the usual barrage of questions of where, what, how. It took him several hours but he finally came to the couch, where I was laying down and crying. He handed me a glass of "medicine". I drank the glass' contents and the pain stopped. Years later, I asked Angel how he knew what to do, but he never answered. From then on, it was easy, Angel found that I could go weeks without feeding and it took very small amounts to appease my appetite. Any other time I ate regular food.

Angel became more than a guardian to me. He became "Da". It would have been "Daddy" but he detested that name. He in turn gave me a name, Katherine or Kay, for short, but he most often called my Katy. I told him what the watchers called me and he just took it from there. He tried to make life as normal for me as possible but I was a sequestered from everything. I never left our home without him. He taught me all the basics needed to function like an intelligent human being. Angel was my world but he never taught me about myself. I didn't understand what I was or what the drink was that he gave me. I certainly didn't know how to fight or even defend myself. I was a perpetual child who looked and talked like an adult. I think someone once called it, naiveté.

I stayed with Angel for years and then one day, he was gone. No word, no good-bye, not even a letter. I was in my late teens, or at least I looked that way. He left only an envelope with money and the word food scrawled across the front. I was terrified for the first time in years. He was gone. Da had left me. I didn't know how to live without him. That night I cried as if he had died. It was the kind of sound that only a broken heart could make. I don't know how long I sat there. It was the sound of my stomach growling that finally broke me out of my grief. Angel hadn't left any of the drink for me, so I took the money, tucked it in the toe of my shoe and enough in my pocket for a small meal. For the first time since Angel had taken me into his arms, I was alone and had to face the world.

It was already dark when I left our home and I was edgy. Every time there was the slightest hint of movement from a shadow, I would jump and spin around like an out of balance ballerina. I was so turned around that I was lost. I couldn't find a diner or my way back home. I became upset, leaned against the wall, and began to cry, again. I was about to get into a good sob when I heard her voice.

"She can't find her way. Poor lamb. I can help you find home. Would you like that?"

I lifted my head and looked at this woman. Beautiful, stunning actually, with long black hair and high cheeks, but looking at me like an animal looks at his food. I tried to level my voice so that I wouldn't give away how scared I was. "No thank you. I can find my way." I turned to walk away when I ran headlong into a man. He looked down at me with his blue eyes and I was lost for a moment, until I heard him speak. "What'd you find Dru, luv?"

The dark haired woman came closer and I backed away from the man. The woman looked at me intently and addressed him. "I found a lamb and she doesn't wan' to play. Can you hear' her heart, it beats like little drums in the rain."

My back was against the wall and they had me cornered. The man and woman were so close now that I could see clearly that they had changed and that they were not human. The male grabbed me by the throat and squeezed just enough so that I couldn't scream. The female came in closer to bite and that's when pure survival instinct kicked in. I thrashed about and felt invigorated by it. The fight to survive. Thrown back a bit the woman and man lost their grip for a moment. But, the man only squeezed harder when I didn't get away. He leaned in to make the kill and I lashed out again but this time with my face. He moved back and chuckled until he looked hard at my face.

"Bloody Hell!" They both stared and I stared back. The woman finally spoke.

"You're a very naughty girl. Naughty vampire. Trying to bite us. We only want to play."

Vampire? I had no idea what they were talking about. I'd read about vampires but had never seen one myself. My eyes darted back to the man who was staring at me with his eyebrows knitted tightly together. His grip had loosened and I found my voice.

"Let go of me!"

He focused his full attention onto me. "Not fucking likely. Dru, Luv, get me a stake." New fear rose up. Stake?

"What do you need a stake for? I'm not a vampire."

"Then what' the bloody hell are you?"

"I'm human."

"Keep telling' yourself that."

"Would a vampire have a heartbeat?" The heartbeat I had just noticed a few moments before when it felt as if it was going to beat out of my chest. The man thought for a moment and then let go of my neck.

"No, but humans don't have fangs."

"I don't have fangs!" I said insistently. Then I began to check my teeth and damned if he wasn't right, I had fangs. It was news to me; I never needed them or wanted them. I was in my mind, as corny as this sound, a normal girl. I continued to examine my face with my hands and found that I had less pronounced vampire features than that of the two people in front of me. Less bumps, if any at all that were noticeable and the fangs were smaller. The dark haired woman, Dru, put her arms around the man.

"Can we keep her? I'll take good care of her."

"She's not a puppy Dru. You can't keep a girl as a pet, a snack, but not a pet."

I was amazed that they would even talk like this about me, while I was standing right there. If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn't have been surprised at all. Of course, I was still shocked to find out that I was a vampire, or at least looked like one. I was very confused and didn't dare move for fear of reality crumbling completely. Dru continued to pout about keeping me and she rambled on, making less sense to me with each word. Maybe it was the accent or that my world was still warped? Finally, with a sigh and toss of his arms indicating that Dru had won the argument, I was taken away from that alley and shoved into the front seat of a black Desoto. Now I knew I was in hell. I had just allowed myself to be kidnapped by two very who could kill me at anytime. I soon learned that the man's name was Spike. When the car came to a stop, Dru led me to their "home." It was a two-story apartment, whose previous owner had met an untimely end.

Dru treated me like a child, or was that a doll, I could never tell, but she doted on me. She would take me hunting with her and Spike. I would stand quietly and watch. I didn't know whether to be horrified or intrigued. They were taking a life, and I should have been sickened, but I couldn't stop myself from watching. Wondering what it was like to have that kind of control over another.

The pain started to come again weeks later, but this time I wasn't in the safety of my bed with Angel nearby and I didn't know what to do. Drusilla had pretty much lost interest in me but Spike never killed me or told me to leave. The worst of the pain hit while I was on the hunt with Dru and Spike. Dru had gone ahead and left me with Spike in a park. Spike was smoking a cigarette and I was looking up at the constellations. Spike threw down his smoke and started to walk away and I followed. After taking a few steps, it felt as if someone had cut a hole in my stomach with a grapefruit spoon. I doubled over onto my hands and knees. Another wave of pain hit and I was in the fetal position. Spike knelt down beside me slowly and asked me a question never before asked.

"Have you fed?" Fed? What in hell was that supposed to mean? I was in pain. Spike pulled out another cigarette and lit it. He inhaled a lung full of smoke and then let it out. "Let me explain something' pet. You are a vampire or something' like it, I'm betting' you have to feed, on blood, and that you haven't done that. Guessing that's why you're on the ground."

The pain subsided and for the first time it struck me. The glasses of red liquid I had been drinking all these years. It was blood! Spike helped me to a bench and said, "Stay here. I'll catch you a bite, you're in no condition to wrestle a human down."

A few minutes later Spike returned with an intoxicated boy. Not even old enough to drink. He wasn't bad looking for someone who was wearing polyester. Spike shoved him at me. I caught him and found that he felt as light as a small child. I looked at this person in my arms and back at Spike and back at the boy. As I moved so did my victim, his head rolled to the side exposing his neck. I became transfixed with the spot were the Carotid Artery lay. I could smell the blood and hear this human's heartbeat. It was horrifying but thrilling. Instinct kicked in and before I knew it, I was at the boy's throat, tearing open the veins and drinking down every ounce his body would give. I sank to the ground with him and stayed there for an eternity as his life slipped away. The next thing I knew, Spike had me by the shoulders and tearing me away from my prey. The pain was gone and I felt like flying.


	2. Chapter 2

Have you ever gotten the feeling of impending doom? I have. It's not a pleasant feeling. Like your waiting for something to kick you in the ass, but you can't brace for it or see it coming. After my first kill, I had gone home with Spike and stayed up all day thinking about my life. The only thing that interrupted my thoughts was the occasional noises from Dru and Spike's bedroom. After several hours, I concluded that if I needed blood like a vampire, I was going to live like a vampire. I had to see what I could do, stretch my wings so to speak. I knew my hearing was better than a humans was, because at times the smallest noises would sound like they were right next to me, even when they were in the next room. Not wanting to concentrate on listening to the noises around me, especially the one's coming from the bedroom; I explored the house, including the basement. 

The basement was quite large, but smelled of dust and mildew. The randomly placed incandescent bulbs throwing odd shadows around the room. After a few minutes of telling myself that there wasn't anyone around, I looked through the cabinets lining the walls. Having not found anything useful or remotely interesting, I gave up on my search and started back to the stairs. I was three steps up when out of the corner of my eye I saw something move. I turned around slowly, never lifting my hand from the railing. I glanced around the room but nothing was there. I tried to tell myself that it was my imagination but the more I tried to convince myself the more terrified I became. I was so absorbed in looking for what had moved before that I jumped back when I heard a loud groan. My heart racing I looked to the right where the sound originated, but the only thing I saw was the white-knuckle grip I had on the railing and the metal bending slightly. I moved my hand and studied the railing. Terror and elation almost go hand in hand, but it's and all together odd sensation. When it dawned on me that I had caused the metal to contort, I was ecstatic.

I ran back to the floor where we stayed and as I bound in the door feeling quite pleased with myself, I saw Spike sitting in the chair, looking pissed off. I quietly sat down in the chair next to him. 

"Is Drusilla sleeping still?"

"Nope." He said with a puff of smoke.

"Then where is she?" 

He gave me a look that fairly warned me not to ask again. That was enough to let me know that they had been fighting again and she more than likely walked out the door, leaving Spike to sulk. 

After an hour or so, Spike and I headed out on the town, at least to eat. After the first human was drained, I pleaded and begged with Spike to teach me to feed on my own. I convinced him that it was in the best interest of all parties involved if I learned this skill and he finally agreed. Spike taught me the basics that night, I watched him hunt, and I got a few swallows for being attentive. At least it got his mind off him and Dru's argument. 

Over the next few nights, Dru didn't come back and my lessons continued. Soon I was able to take a full-grown man into a dark alley, bleed him dry and hide the body. It was official, I could feed myself and I took a sense of pride in it.

I had several uneventful nights of hunting and each night I would come home to see Spike sitting in the chair smoking or drinking. It was during these times that I would sit with him until sunrise, and it never failed that at some point I would think of Angel. Each time I felt the tears coming up but then I finally told myself that if Angel had wanted me to stay with him he would have told me where he went. 

On the fourth night, Drusilla still had not returned and as usual, I came in from feeding and sat down beside Spike. He looked at me then his cigarette.

"Don't get comfortable." He said as he twisted the butt with his thumb and fingers. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"Had enough of this place. We're going out." He stood and walked towards the door. I didn't argue or ask questions. I was glad he was getting out of the house.

It took a while of walking the streets but eventually he and I started discussing everything we could think of. He told me stories of his past exploits and I told him what I could about me without bringing up Angel's name. I soon found that I liked Spike. We went on like this for a while, each night we would go out and soon he was teaching me to street fight. A handy skill, I'm told, for any young girl to have. We kept each other company, until Dru came back. She just came in one night as if nothing had happened and Spike was overjoyed. To the bedroom they went and that was my cue to leave. For some reason my poor little brain couldn't handle the nonsense of it all. 

I left the building the night Dru returned and walked down the sidewalk, thinking. Why was I so bothered by Dru? Was I jealous and why was that? The whole thing didn't make any sense to me. I was so absorbed in my world that I didn't see the vampires approaching. When the three of them surrounded me, I tried to go around him but it didn’t work. The vampire in front of me followed my movements. After moving a few more times I felt like I should have been wearing a ballroom gown. I looked at him and then something inside of me snapped. It was like all the anger in the world came pouring out of me and through me. Before I knew what was happening two vampires were dust, and I had my teeth in the other's throat. I actually shocked myself; I was drinking the blood of a vampire. I dropped him to the ground and realized that he wasn't moving, just whimpering. I knew then that I had snapped his neck and he was paralyzed. I was dizzy with the sensation of his blood coursing through me. I found the cohesion of thought to stake him with a nearby branch just to put him out of his misery and slowly stumbled home.

I made it back to my room and crawled onto my bed. I laid there and started to smile, then chuckle. It progressed until my hold body was shaking with laughter, even though I still didn't know what was so funny that night. It was like being on every kind of drug available but without the loss of speech or motor control. Actually, I felt more alive then, than I ever had. I covered my face with my hands to try to calm my fits of laughter. All I managed to do was find a very painful tug in my ribs, which caused me to laugh harder. It hadn't struck me yet, how badly I was hurt. As my laughter was subsiding, I heard someone at my bedroom door. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Spike standing there, smoking a cigarette, as usual. I don't think he had seen the condition I was in. Hell neither had I.

"Where have you been?" I thought it probably wouldn't be best to tell him off the bat what had happened so I started simple.

"Walking." Simple and true.

Spike stepped into my room and I sat up, without thinking, and looked at him.

"What the bloody hell happened to you?" Not knowing what he was talking about I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I looked a lot worse than I felt. My eye was a deep purple and my eyebrow had a cut. I imagined from the tug in my side earlier that I had a cracked rib. Above all, what caught my attention was my blood-smeared mouth. I looked like shit and in the back of my mind, I loved it.

Spike came up behind me and turned me around to take a closer look at my face. On some level I was still a pet to them both, Dru and Spike, and every once in a while it would show. Especially when Spike let his guard down and he wasn't the Big Bad. He was just Spike, a man who had a caring side that very few people were allowed to see.  

I eventually told him about the fight, while he cleaned up my cuts and bruises. In those few hours, while Dru slept and Spike listened, I finally had my epiphany. I loved him and he genuinely cared about me. It may have been a girlish thing but I loved all of him. There came a moment where both of us were silent, I watched him dab at the cut on my eyebrow, and I saw the human he once was. Let me tell you, it was a roller coaster from hell with him, in my mind, from that day on.

I was insane, I knew I was. Dru would have killed me outright if she could read minds and seen my thoughts when Spike would come into the room. Unrequited love or infatuation can be very stressful, if not a dangerous thing. At the time, I didn't think about the tawdry details of male/female relations. I had a more romantic ideal when it came to men.

Some days Dru would talk non-stop to Ms. Edith and other days Dru and Spike wouldn't come back for a few nights or they would stay in their bedroom. This left plenty of opportunity for my little imagination to run amok, especially after I had been hunting. 

We had moved to New York City and one night as I was coming in from my nightly outing wearing a newly acquired dress, Spike was coming out. 

"Hey Spike. I thought you and Dru were having a quiet night in?" If looks could kill, I would have been dead. Spike continued in the direction he had started and I followed. After a few blocks, we stopped and Spike lit up a cigarette. From the lamp over head, I saw him in full light. And all I could think was  _ "My God!" _ His hair was peroxide blonde. 

"What are you looking at pet?"

"Nothing, I was just admiring your hair. It looks…good."

He raised his scared eyebrow at me and exhaled a plume of smoke. "Well it's obvious that you don't want company so I'll just... You know. Go home now." I started to back up and leave when he shouted after me.

"Kay." He sauntered up to me with that smirk of his. The one that always made the ladies swoon around him. "You ever seen a slayer."

I thought about it and shook my head no. "Can't remember ever seeing one. Why?" 

Spike didn't say anything, he grabbed my hand and we started to walk. That night I saw my first Slayer, and not a potential. Spike explained to me what she was and her job, but he hadn't gotten much further in his story before we spotted her on the subway. A black girl wearing a leather duster. I looked at Spike, wondering why he was showing me The Slayer. He hadn't explained that part and here we were getting on a subway car with her. Suddenly he turned and for a lack of a better term, commanded me to stay put. He confronted the Slayer and it was the best damn fight I had ever seen. I watched as they went to the next car and continued the fight. I peeked through the window just in time to witness the final blow. I could almost hear the Slayers neck crunching above the rattle of the wheels on the rails. Spike stripped her coat off and put it on. He walked to the emergency brake, bringing the train to a screeching halt. Our eyes met and I knew it was time to leave. 

We ran up into the street and I couldn't find my voice. I was stunned, and I was trying to catch my breath from trying to keep up with Spike. As my breathing evened out, a pair of hands grabbed me around my waist and someone whispered. "Better watch your back, pet." I turned my head and looked straight at Spike with a smile. I have to admit I was a giddy little thing there in his arms, getting lost in his eyes. Sensations running through me that were almost alien. Then my own damned body betrayed me. Spike looked at me, clearly amused.

"What's with the pulse? Scared?"

"Just got done keeping up with you. I'm a little out of breath"

"Are you sure?" His eyes were filled with something I had never seen before and I realized that my body was responding to it. Not able to speak I simply nodded a yes. His lips curled up into a slight smile before he leaned in and covered my mouth with his. He stroked my lips with his tongue, parting them slightly. I gladly returned the kiss and our tongues battled with each other. He grabbed both of my hands and put them against the wall above my head, never breaking the contact with my mouth. Gliding his hand down, he moved the hem of my blouse and slid his hand underneath. As he squeezed my breast, he broke the kiss to trace a line down my neck and collarbone with his tongue, every so often scraping his blunt teeth against my skin. I moaned at the feeling of him touching me. Everything was new and I wanted more. He grabbed me, lifting me up so that I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. I grasped his shoulders and moaned as he put my nipple in his mouth, sucking and nipping at it. He reached under my skirt and panties, with his free hand to rub my hot pinkness. I almost screamed when he did this and he again covered my mouth with his. It was, after all an alley and he more than likely didn't want to attract anyone to us. I ground my hips into his hand, which was keeping a steady rhythm on the sensitive tissue. I was moaning into his mouth not wanting him to stop, wanting more. He must have been thinking the same because he undid his jeans and pulled out his throbbing erection. He slide into me and started to move slowly in and out of my entrance, letting out a moan of his own. He removed his mouth from mine and again moved to lick my neck and scrap it with his blunt teeth. He soon quickened his thrusts and I was panting heavily into his shoulder. I felt the orgasm building and then I was tensing all through my body, spasming around his cock. He thrust harder into me and sank his fangs into my neck as he climaxed. The sensation of his bite threw me into another round of spasms that left me breathless against him. He drank deeply from me leaving me a little dizzy. When he had finished he pulled back from me, letting my feet drop to the ground and straightened his clothes. I almost couldn't stand from being so weak in the knees. I pulled myself together, removed a hanky I usually kept in my jacket pocket and put it to my neck and looked at Spike, who was by this time leaning against the wall beside me, smoking. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just stood there looking at him. Then I thought I would comment on his new acquisition. 

"Nice jacket."

He chuckled and put out his cigarette. "I like it. I think it suits me."

I couldn't argue with him, it did.

On the way home, we talked about the slayer and her fighting style. As he talked, I realized what had happened and the consequences if Drusilla found out. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the sidewalk. Spike stopped when he noticed I wasn't beside him and turned around. "What is it?" He walked up to me and made me look him in the eyes. 

"I can't go back with you." I said flatly.

"Why the bloody hell not?"

I held up my index finger. "I'll give your one very good reason. Drusilla. She would tear out my heart and wear it if she even suspected that I looked at you with a lustful thought let alone do anything." Spike regarded me for a minute and then smiled without speaking. This got me, how shall I say it…. Pissed. "What is so damned funny?"

"You. The way you're carrying on."

"Well I guess it is funny, when it's not your neck in the noose."

"Actually I was enjoying the imagery of your heart and all being ripped out."

"Okay, other than my witty descriptions of gore, how am I going to keep Drusilla from gutting me?"

Spike lit a cigarette and shrugged. I let out a long deep breath and pulled my hand across my face, chuckling "Don't worry 'bout Dru, pet." He said as I dropped my hand.

I gave him one last doubtful look before I squared my shoulders and walked into the possible hell that laid in wait for me ahead. In the distance, I swear I could hear the other shoe dropping and hitting the concrete.


	3. Chapter 3

You'll be surprised to know that I lived through that ordeal and don't ask me how or why, because that night in the alley was not the only time I found myself in his bed. Each time I would watch him sleep and wonder how long it would be before Drusilla killed me. Granted she wasn't the most monogamous of lovers but she did tend to become jealous if she thought Spike was straying; which is hypocritical if you think about it. 

One night we went to a club for some entertainment and hunting. I was left with Dru for a short time while Spike talked up a potential target. I stood watching him flirt with the woman, trying to convince her to find a quiet corner when Dru came up behind me and wrapped an arm around my waist. It wasn't new for her to be this familiar with me, so I wasn't concerned, but still a part of me wanted to panic. We started to sway to the music as we watched Spike lead his prey to a remote area of the club. I felt Dru's lips brush against my ear, as she whispered to me. "Bad dolly. Playing with the rooster while the hen is away. You shan't have any cakes at your tea party. The cakes are mine. Spike is mine." She finished with her arm tightening around me, making it difficult to breath. "Remember. You can play, but he is my dark knight." She released me and made her way to Spike. As Dru disappeared into the mass of bodies on the dance floor, I considered myself warned.

From there we moved on to London where I became extremely restless, try as Spike and Dru might to keep me entertained. We were in a European city, which I had never been to and I wanted to see the city, but they wanted to stay in. So, I went out alone just as the sun was setting. The sun was low enough that it didn't bother me but I still required sunglasses. 

I walked down the street looking at the various shops and stopped at one that had a display of old books. Entering through the door caused a small brass bell to announce my arrival. The shopkeeper was a middle-aged man with a pair of reading glasses on the end of his nose. He looked up from his ledger and gave me a once over.

"Can I help you?"

"No thank you, I'm just looking for now." I politely told him. I began to read the titles of the books. I inhaled deeply and reveled in the smell of the pages and ink. I walked to the back of the store and continued to look at the book-lined shelves. I rounded a stack when I ran into a young man. He dropped his book and I caught it in both hands before it hit the floor. I stood up and looked him in the face. He was tall, with dark hair and wired glasses. 

"I...I beg your pardon." I obviously had startled him. Of course running into someone will do that. I smiled and handed him his book and apologized. He smiled back and it was such a sweet smile. I remember asking him about his book and then from there starting a conversation that lasted until the shopkeeper kicked us out. He told me his name, which I no longer can remember, and he told me about his love for books, theater and history. I had never spoken to a human at great length before and I found that I enjoyed it.

As we were saying our good-byes, he took hold of my hand and was about to say something when a look of fear crossed his face. I looked at him and followed his gaze behind me. Three men were coming towards us, armed with cross bows and stakes. I looked back at the boy and over his shoulder; two more people were coming with the same armament. All that ran through my head was  _ "SHIT!"  _ I turned and ran away from them as fast as I could, leaving the young scholar behind me. After three blocks, the sides of the buildings buzzing past me, I stopped to catch my breath. I looked around and didn't see anyone. I walked out to the street, looked for signs of my pursuers and when I didn't find any I headed back home.

A few hours later, I was nearing home so I looked around to make sure I was not followed. When I was sure everything was clear I went into the building and launched myself up the steps.

"SPIKE! You won't believe what happened while I was out." I entered the empty living room. I listened intently and didn't hear either of my companions. 

"Spike? Drusilla? This isn't funny." I listened again and then I heard a heartbeat a moment before the owner spoke.

"Their gone." I turned around and looked at the short man standing at the armchair. I clenched my fists and took a step forward. The man held up his hand and told me to stop, and then he pointed to the other men on the landing above me, all armed with crossbows.

"Gone where?" I was livid that these men would dare to enter our home with weapons. 

"Does it matter? They were Vampires." The man was balding and had the air of being an asshole about him.

"It matters to me. Where are they?"

"Dust." He held up his hand and released ashes onto the floor. I looked and there was a fine coating all over the floor were I was standing. Something in me at that moment broke and turned to stone. I met the man's eyes with a hatred I had never felt for another being.

"If you're going to kill me then do it." I stared him down and then he surprised me. He sat down in the armchair.

"I'm not going to kill you girl. I have a proposition for you. Do have a seat." He pointed to the couch and I crossed my arms over my chest and continued to glare at him. "Well, first of all let me say that you are remarkable. We had no idea you were still alive and that you had learned so many skills. My name is Maxwell and I am from the Watcher's Council. We have been looking for you for many years, my dear."

I looked around me again and counted the men surrounding me, five in all, not counting chubby in the armchair. I knew what a watcher was and where there is a watcher there is bound to be a slayer. I directed my attention back to Maxwell, who was cleaning his glasses. "Cut to the chase, Maxwell." I wanted to tear this man limb from limb but most of all, shove his glasses into his larynx. That's when I felt a sharp sting in my neck. I reached up and pulled out a small dart. The last thing I saw was that fat son of a bitch and then my world went dark. 

Over the next several months or years, it was hard to keep track after a while. I was a kept woman. The deal was, I worked for them and I lived well, with no worries of money or shelter. Of course, I was left with little choice, be the lapdog of the council or die. The real downer was that I couldn't kill humans, only demons. I could have run and survived on my own but my family was gone and I had given up on everything. I was born a freak, raised a vampire and lived as a slave. 

 

End Diary


	4. Chapter 4

Years later, 2003 to be exact, I find myself sitting on a cemetery wall, smoking a cigarette and thinking. If I could go back, would I change anything? More than likely, wouldn't we all?

I stub out my cigarette wondering why I started the habit in the first place. Then I remember that I started because it reminded me of Spike. I snort out the last bit of smoke and that's when I see who I was sent to watch. The slayer, Buffy Summers. 

The slayers were being hunted along with their watchers when I was sent here. I only received a partial report about the area, the slayer's name and her watcher. The council always loved to edit records when I read them. I was on a need to know basis, and I never needed to know. Then the council was destroyed. God, if only I could have seen the explosion. At this point I have no reason to stay, other than pure curiosity. 

I watch the slayer walk with what I can only describe as a gaggle of young girls. I imagine they're all potential slayers. I continue to watch as they march through the cemetery, like little soldiers or worse yet, sheep. Buffy turns occasionally and talks to the group. I'm fascinated by this girl and I've heard stories about her resurrection. All I have to say is that it was one hell of a neat trick. I chuckle as one of the girls charge for an attack and Buffy sidesteps her. Then another tries and the attack is deflected. The process is repeated over and over again with the same results.

When I first learned how to punch someone, I had nearly broken my hand and Spike…Spike…It didn't matter, Spike was dead and I would never see him again. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out another cigarette. When I go to light it, I see a Zippo start in front of me. I look up slowly, following the hand to the face. When our eyes meet my cigarette falls forgotten to the ground.

"Hello, luv. Are you lost?" I can't believe my eyes but there he is. Spike. Without saying a word I stand on the narrow wall, I have to feel if he is real. I grab his collar and kiss him full on the mouth. Very real and very much as I remembered him. I let go after a moment and step back, misjudging the wall and falling backwards onto a grave below. Spike scrambles down the wall to my side and asks if I am okay. I shake my head yes and he helps me to my feet. Buffy and the girls must have seen my graceful display because they are fast approaching. The hairs on the back of my neck raised and I feel the urge to protect the man I had found again, my training be damned. He places his hand on my shoulder. "It's alright pet, these are friends of mine." 

After about 15 minutes of explanation, I leave the graveyard with this band of giggling girls, the two adults leading them, following them back to Buffy’s house. Once they walk in the door, the Potential’s go to bed while all the adults gather around the dining room table. We talk and share information. The girl called Anya is the most forthcoming with small tidbits of personal information, at least if you listen hard enough. After we say everything that we can, Buffy goes to bed explaining that she has to be to work in the morning. One by one, the others follow suit, leaving Spike and I alone. Taking out a cigarette, I play with it absentmindedly not knowing what to say. I realize that I am out of practice talking to Spike so I mull over the new information given to me within the past hour and one thing keeps coming back in my mind.

”A soul huh? Wow.” Spike looks at me with a small smile and nods. “What’s it like, Spike? To have one after all this time?”

“It hurts.” He says flatly. It was obvious that this was not a topic to be discussed. I stare at my cigarette and then ask where I can light up. Spike directs me to the back porch where I began searching for my lighter, again, without any success. Spike hands me his Zippo and I ignite the wick and watch it burn for a second before touching the flame to the end of the cigarette. Taking a deep drag, I hand the lighter back to the owner. I inhale another lungful of smoke, holding it and contemplate buying stock in a disposable lighter company to make up for all the lighters I've lost and will loose.

A light breeze blows and I close my eyes to enjoy the cool air. When I open my eyes, Spike is looking at his boots with something obviously on his mind.

“Spit it out Spike.”

He examines his cigarette and then looks directly at me. “Why didn’t you look for me and Dru?” I am not sure how to answer that or explain to him that I had lost hope. I close my mouth and try to come up with an answer other than a shrug.

“I don’t know. I never thought to question their story that you were dead.” I shrug anyways and look at the ground. “Actually I died a little myself the day I was shown your ashes. I had a hard time moving on and besides I didn’t have access to the outside world for years. Eventually I healed from the grief and moved on. It was damned hard to do, but here I am.” I finish with a hopefully convincing smile, which quickly fades as I notice the skyline behind Spike. The sun was rising. “Look I have to get going. The sun’s almost up and I’m more sensitive than I used to be.” I don't want to leave. I have this fear deep inside that if I do, I'll never see him again, but I force myself to because I have no idea if he even wants me around. “I’ll see you later Spike.”

I step off the porch and head for the street. I was already passing a neighbors house when I hear Spike coming up behind me. I turn around and Spike hesitates only for a second. “You can stay here if you want.” Spike then quickly adds, “We can catch up.” 

I smile to myself knowing now that he must have missed me or he wouldn't have followed me, but I want to make sure. “Are you sure the Slayer won’t mind another body in there, 'cause that house is busting at the seams.”

“It’s not bad if you don’t mind a bunch of teenage girls.” I raise one eyebrow at him but remain silent. I was used to teenagers. Slayers were brought by their watchers to where I was kept, like their version of a field trip. 

“Make up your mind, Pet.”

I smile and shake my head. He is still impatient as ever. “Never could turn you down.” We hurry back to the house and shut the door behind us just as the first full rays of sunlight make their appearance.

Once inside Spike takes off his duster and throws it over a barstool. “Hungry?”

I was about to answer him when my stomach growls a reply. "Guess that's a yes." I chuckle.

“What’ll ya have, luv?"

“I’ll have what you're having. If that’s alright?”

“With of without Wheatabix?” he asks as he holds up a container of blood and a box. I scrunch up my face at the thought of the cereal, which is disgusting by itself, let alone mixed with blood.

“Without, most definitely.” Spike pours two mugs of blood and heats them up in the microwave. When he brings the extra mug to me, I watch as he gulps down the contents of his cup. A habit I've developed over the years. Always watch them drink it first. I pick up my mug and remove the layer of "skin" that formed from the microwaving, and then I take a hearty mouthful. I almost retch as the liquid hits my taste buds. I choke it down obviously to the delight of Spike, because he is trying to suppress a grin. I swallow hard and shudder as the blood travels to my stomach. 

“BLEH! You drink THAT? Everyday?” I put down the mug and stare at him. 

“You get used to it.”

I repeatedly swallow, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. I look at the mug with trepidation. “What exactly is it?”

“Pig.” Spike says as he empties his cup.

I wrinkle my nose and look at the contents of the cup again. I pick the cup back up, hold my breath, and finish it off. The gag reflex kicks in hard, like when I try to swallow cough syrup. I ball up my fist and put it to my mouth so that I won't spit out the blood. I choke the thick liquid down one more time and clear my throat. I push the mug away from me. “That was.”

“Disgusting?”

“No. Interesting. Definately interesting.” I'm trying to be polite. Never knock anything you're given in the way of food. Kind of like never looking a gift horse in the mouth. It keeps you from getting in fights and causing insults.

“You’ve been drinking human to long.” He quips with a sound of judgment and longing all in one.

“HAH. That’s what you think. I haven’t had human anything since London.”

“What you been living on then?”

“Vampire. Close to human but not.” It was Spike's turn to be stunned if not disgusted.

“You mean you shag vampires for their blood.”

“Good Gods no. I break their necks, drain what I want and stake them. The meal that cleans up after itself.” He gets quiet after that. I can't believe he would think I would fuck a vampire just for a bit of blood. Can I get a "yuck" from the peanut gallery. I mean really. Then I see that confused look on his face, so I take a deep breath and try to explain. “You’re wondering why vampires or something similar. Aren’t you? I have been ordered not to drink human blood. They think I’ll go all evil on them or something, the council I mean. I also can’t have alcohol, sex and technically cigarettes. Which is fine with me about the first two, but I absolutely refuse to give up my smokes.”

"Actually I was wondering if you really paid someone to cut your hair like that?" He says pointing to my short hair. Granted it was listed in the men's section of the haircut book, but I needed hair that was functional. Which lead to having quarter inch stubble on the sides and back with a two inch long top. 

"What? I like it." My hand runs over my head. "I think it suits me."

He lets out a low chuckle and shakes his head. "What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know exactly, but when I figure it out, step back world because this chicky is going to cause some damage.”  I say with a stretch and then we fall into a silence, which is fine with me because I'm just happy to be in the same plane of existence, let alone the same room as this man. I find that after a while, I am playing with the handle of the novelty mug. I've always been a terrible figit. My hands constitantly have to be touching something or moving. While watching my fingers play over the mug I realized that I have no idea what to do with myself now that the council is gone. The thought of staying here in Sunnydale to help fight The First, had come to mind, but I hadn't brought it up. We begin to talk, trying to fit our lives into words.

We continue talking until a young girl with long brown hair comes into the kitchen. That is when I notice that the sun is shining brightly outside the kitchen window and that I am about to fall asleep in my chair.. Spike gets up to clean the mugs we had used and I try desperately to stifle a yawn. My eyes meet the face of the young girl, who is eating cereal. I wonder if she is just a member of the household or a slayer. The girl pretends that she hasn’t been staring. So I decide to break the ice. 

“Good Morning.” I say as politely as possible. The girl looks at me for a minute, and then smiles. 

“Hi. I’m Dawn.”

“Nice to meet you Dawn, I’m Kay.”

“Like the letter.”

“No. As in Katherine, Katy, Kay.”

“Cool. Are you a potential too?”

“No. What about you?” 

“Nope, I’m just me.” Dawn says right before she grabs her bowl and starts to inhale her food. Spike had turned around at some point during the conversation and has a mildly amused look on his face. I raise a questioning eyebrow at him, which he shakes his head at. “I’m going to bed. If your ready to crash Kay, I’ll show ya where.”

I follow him down to the basement where he points out his cot and tells me that was where I can sleep. I look around for another but don't see one. “What about you?” I ask. Spike has already taken off his shirt and settles down on the floor against the wall. “I’m fine, now get some sleep.” He then closes his eyes and relaxes. I don't have the energy to argue so I removed my boots and stretch out on top of the blanket. Before I go to sleep, I remove the stake from my  inside pocket and hug it to my chest as tightly as I can. Always be prepared. It keeps me out of more trouble than I care to recall.

 


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up not knowing where I am or how I got there. Then I remember. I stretch out and turn away from the wall I am facing. Spike is awake and smoking a cigarette. “Evening.” I greet him with another stretch.

“Sleep well, luv?”

“Like a rock. You have a mighty comfy cot here.”

“It works.”

I get up off the cot and realize that Spike is being very quiet. “What’s wrong?” 

“Just thinking.” Spike stands up and puts on his shirt. 

“You must be thinking some seriously deep thoughts. Care to share?”

Spike takes an unneeded breath and sighs. “I want you to get away from here?”

Where the hell did that come from? “I thought I’d stay on. You can use all the help you can get.

“I don’t want to have to worry about you when it all goes down.”

I make a dismissive sound and sit to put on my boots. “I can hold my own, you know.” Spike sits down next to me, leaning forward on his knees.

“I know pet, but I’d feel better if you didn’t have to.”

Okay, now I'm confused. I don't know what is going on but I am not liking what this soul has done to him. The way he acts is too close to how Angel was when I was a girl. 

“Going all noble on me Spike? There’s a first for everything. Fine. Where would you suggest I go? The First isn’t exactly geographically limited.”

Spike just sits there not saying anything. I wait for him to answer me. Maybe he can't find a good excuse. Maybe he never wanted me here in the first place. After a few minutes of him not even looking at me, I go upstairs. When I reach the door I turn back to look at him. “That’s fine Spike. Like I said, I can take care of myself. Pretend like I was never here.”  I slam the door shut behind me heading for an exit. I never should have come back here. I should have gone back to my hotel and left the next morning. I was free. Right? No council to keep track of me. Why should I care about the apocalypse? I should have left the ghost that was Spike and Drusilla stay just that, a ghost. A pair of dead vampires, their dust long ago scattered on a cement floor.

I have the back door open a few inches when Spike comes across the kitchen and slams it shut with one hand. “What in bloody hell was that?” I close my eyes and let out a slow breath. I don't want to do this, but I will not be hurt again.

“You don’t and wouldn’t understand Spike.”

“Try me. Make me understand.” Spike spins me around, pinning me against the door.

“What’s going on in here?” I look over Spike’s shoulder and see Buffy standing in the breezeway of the kitchen with her arms crossed, looking quite perturbed at the disturbance. Behind Buffy is a whole group of people. I look back at Spike, whose eyes were almost yellow with anger. I'll let him explain it to the slayer. “Nothing. Family business.” Spike says harshly without breaking his gaze from me. There was that word, Family. God, how I hate that word coming from his mouth. The council always tried to ram that down my throat, their way of trying to be dominant. It didn't sound any better coming from Spike.

“Family business?!” My voice sounds alien to me as the words pass my lips. I push Spike away. “Family?! That a riot. You say that as if I had to obey you or worse yet if you were my father. I was never really family to you.” I walk toward the breezeway trying to avoid the stares of the slayers.

“What do you mean? I took care of you didn’t I? I taught you how to fight and take care of yourself. Christ on a cross pet, doesn’t that count for something?”

I spin around. At first I wanted just to leave and for him to let me. Now it was on. If he wants to hash it out, then so be it, I have years of anger, frustration and pain to let loose. “Have you ever heard yourself? Pet?” Someone snickers from the surrounding crowd. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I'm so angry that I'm speaking before I can really think about what I'm saying. “I was never more than that. A pet. An amusement to pass the time. I was someone you never got around to killing.”

Spike charges up to me. "I'm coming damn close right now Katherine to changing that.” 

”No you won’t Spike. It’s easier to abandon me or send me away. Don’t worry about it Hon. Your not the first one, Angel did the same thing.” There I said it, and I regret it. I push past the crowd and rush out the front door. I'm halfway across the lawn when Spike grabs my arm.

“Where the bloody hell do you get off? You selfish bint. I don’t know what has crawled up your ass, but it’s pissing me off.”

I jerk from his hand and I can't help it, but I'm crying. You know he's right about me, I am selfish and I've hurt him. I can see it in his eyes. I don't say anything else to him. I back up and walk away. Fear of rejection will do a lot to a person, but most of the time the worst is how you end up alone.


	6. Chapter 6

I know what you're thinking, I'm a spoiled bitch who gets everything she deserves, and you would be right. On the way back to my bike, I really think about everything. The battle with The First is going to be bad and lot of people could die. Including Spike. That thought is like a cold stone in the pit of my stomach. I can't stand to mourn him again. I'm going to have to put it out of my mind and choose not to care. I have to have a clear mind to fight and survive and worry mixed with sentimentality is a one-way ticket to an early grave. The only solution I can see is to leave Sunnydale and never come back.

I reach the cemetery where I left my motorcycle and thank a nameless god that it hadn’t been stolen. I check the saddlebags to make sure I still have clothes. After completing the inventory, I climb into the seat and turn the key. The engine doesn't start. I try repeatedly with the key and the kick pedal, but nothing works. I let out a few profanities and pull out the toolbox.

After thirty minutes of fighting with the engine, I'm coming to realize that I'm not focusing on the task and getting frustrated. Sitting on the curb, I light up a cigarette. After a few drags I look at the bike and blow smoke at it. “I’m being punished.” I tell the bike. “Either that or you like it here and don’t want to leave. But, I want to know why anyone would stick around this hellhole. It’s dead, except no one's  thought to bury the body." I stand up next to the bike. "You're going to have to tell me why you won’t start.”

“I’d be careful what you talk to around here luv. Things tend to talk back.”

I turn around to find Spike standing behind me looking amused that he caught me talking to a bike. Why the fuck could he not just leave me alone. It would be easier that way.

“You know your headin’ straight for an ass kicking.” Spike says as he steps around me to look at the bike.

“Really?” I return to the engine and loosen the spark plugs. “Why may I ask?”  I can't believe that he followed me. Hadn’t he ever heard of a dramatic exit?

“Don’t play thick with me. You know why.”

“I know that I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” I tell him, while trying to study the spark plug in my hand. I clean it off and tightening it back in the socket. I get back on the bike and try to start it. What amazes me is that Spike is being remarkably quiet. I thought he wanted to kick my ass. I turn the key again. The starter turns but the engine doesn't start.

“You want to know what I think.” Spike asks as he squats down to look at the engine. I turn the key again but nothing happens. I let out a sigh and lean on the handlebars.

He stands up and walks so that from the position I was in I would have to look at him. “Well do you?”

“Do I what Spike?”

“Want to know what I think your problem is?”

“I suppose you’ll tell me one way or another.”

“Your right. I think you're trying to hate me so that it will make it easier for you to leave. Leave with your pride intact.”

He's closer to the truth than he realizes. Pride has a lot to do with it but I'm not going to let him know that. “Is that what you think?” I ask.

“Am I wrong?”

“Why would care if I hate you or not. Why would you care about any of it? You don’t have to pretend that you care what happens to me because I know you rarely do.”

“Shows what you know. I’ve always cared what happened to you.”

“That's fucking news to me Spike! Where was all this caring after I never came home that night, or before that.” I jump off my bike and walk a few feet away. I can feel that tightness in my chest that comes right before I start crying. I try to fight it. I pace back and forth,trying to stay calm, when he starts talking again.

“Is that what this is about? The damned council?”

I stop moving and let my shoulders sag forward. "This is about a young girl who was in love with you. This is about being dismissed from Sunnydale and your life, like a child." I take a deep breath and grab a cigarette, hastily lighting it. “You know it may be crazy but when the council kidnapped me I half heartedly hoped that it wasn’t your dust in their hands and that you would come and save me. After a year, I lost hope and accepted that you and Dru were dead. I learned to rely on myself. But when I saw you last night; all that flew out of the window. Then you tell me to leave. I don’t care for what reason, it hurt and all I could think about were the evenings when I’d wake up and find you had left. I’m not your childe, I’m not your mate and I'm not a naive girl anymore, so don’t treat me like I am.”

Telling him that hurt to much and I found that I couldn't stand up. My knees wouldn't support me so I let them take me to the ground, while I sob. Spike laid his hand on my shoulder I pulled away “I’m sorry pe...Kay. I had no idea, you never said anything.”

I calm down after a few minutes and look at Spike with a sniffle. “What would I have told you? ‘Oh hey by the way Spike I’m in love with you and I would appreciate a more stable relationship.’ I don’t think so. You would have laughed in my face. You still would.”

“I wouldn’t laugh now. Then? Yeah.”

I think about that for a minute then wipe my face with the back of my hand. At least he was being honest and for some reason I could deal with that. I stand up and offer my hand to help Spike to his feet. “I feel better now. How ‘bout you Blondie?” 

“Never better.” He takes my hand and stands up. “Forgive me?” he finally asks me. That must be the new soul talking. It seems strange to hear him ask for forgiveness or even apologize. I figure what the hell. 

“Yeah.”  We walk back to the bike when I remember that it won't start. I look at the bike for a minute and then at the horizon. “Spike? Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Don’t die.” 

“I don’t die I get better looking.” He says with a smirk.

“Damn it, I’m being serious here, William.”

“So was I.” 

“Fine, keep on doing that then. Just don’t die. I don’t like the odds of this fight you're getting into.”

“Tell ya what I’ll do Pet. When this is all over, I’ll find you, if it takes days, months, years, don’t care. When we meet up we’ll have a proper drink.”

I can't help but smile. “Deal. Remember there will be consequences for welshing. Even if I have to pull you from hell itself.”

“Right. Go to L.A. and stay put, that way it's easier to find you.”

“L.A.?”

Spike just nods. I lived in L.A once, while I was with Angel, but never went into the city. I heard it was an interesting place so why not. I get on my bike and kick start it. The engine roars to life and I can't help but laugh. “I knew it was bad karma.” I let it idle and put on my helmet. When I'm ready and turn to Spike. “Hop on. I’ll take you back to Buffy’s.” After Spike gets behind me, I snap the visor of my helmet down and race away from the cemetery.

When we reach Buffy’s house, Spike dismounts and heads up the path to the front porch. I lifted the visor and yell. “SPIKE.” He turns around. “Remember what you promised. I can’t drink my first shot with a pile of dust.”  He saunters back up to me and I cut off the motor. I pull off my helmet and Spike leans forward and says softly, “I’m a man of my word Pet.”  He was about to step back when I grab his duster by the lapel and pull him into a deep kiss. Not the kind of kiss that says lets fuck. The kind that says, I'll miss you and will see you later. When we separate, I can't help but stroke his cheek with my thumb, wanting to capture this moment in my mind. 

I finally pick up my helmet and put it back on my head. I start the bike back up and give him a small wave. 

“I’ll see you soon luv.” 

“You bloody well better. Or I’ll tell everyone that you’ve gone soft.” I yell over the engine, with a grin. I start to back up out of the driveway before Spike can say anything else to weaken my resolve to leave with a smile. I pull out on to the street and flip down my visor. Looking at Spike through the tinted plastic, I have a feeling that we will never see each other again. I rev the engine to drown out my fears, as he reaches the door of the house. He turns around to look and with a wave, he's gone. I set off down the street and leave Sunnydale and everyone in it behind.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm still in Los Angeles. I'm not in love with the city but I don't hate it. L.A. has its good points. Bars, demons, people, Hollywood. Every night I go out and walk around the streets with a thin hope that Spike will show up. I've heard the rumors that the Hellmouth that Sunnydale had sat on was closed, and the town was now a crater. When I had heard that the first time, I got very drunk and still don't know how I got back to my hotel.

The one bar I visit most often is a demon bar called Mike's, after the owner/operator. The place is very nice; one could even say it's somewhat posh, for a back alley demon bar. I like it because demons are always more interesting than people and they have better stories to tell. For the most part the general clientel avoids me, but occasionally someone will start to talk to me.  

One night a few weeks back, when I went in they were having a pit fight where the winner received up to $500. The reigning champion was a large scaly looking demon, which smelled like a cross between sewers and romano cheese. He was about 6’6” and had to weigh no less than 300 pounds, which was at least two and half times my size. 

That night I ordered a beer and listened to the demons boast about who could beat who, watched the current challenger and champion duke it out, when I overheard a spectator nearby talking. “Oh please, even she could beat him. The only reason no one has is because of the smell.” And this patron pointed directly at me. I thought about it and why not, I needed the money, and judging by the look of this smelly demon, he had been drinking for days and couldn't stand without weaving around but he was still winning because the challenger was deeper in the bottle than him.

I asked the bartender what I had to do to fight and he pointed me to a short vampire taking bets. I left my beer and walked up to the bookkeeper, tapping him on the shoulder. After a few minutes of talking to him, I was in the next round. When the crowd got a look at me entering the ring, the betting went out of control and the volume of roaring went up with it. Most of them figured I was just a human who thought she could fight and would be knocked out quickly enough or run away. 

By the end of the fight, the room was quiet for a moment and then erupted in a fit of cheering. I was still standing and still had all of my faculties. As I left the ring, which only consisted of a toe line drawn in chalk on the floor, I received pats on the back and drink offers. It seemed that no one really liked the demon I just knocked out. After that, I was champion and now I go every Friday and Saturday night to fight. It's become a large event. There's a tournament to get the best of the best for the weekend. Every Saturday is the same. I'll win and then drinks with stories on the side. No one seems to know what I am; if they do, they never say anything.

Here it is another Saturday night; I'm in a ring with a vampire that has the build of the Incredible Hulk. The crowd always loves to find the biggest beings to put in the ring with me. Maybe it's like them watching David and Goliath all over again. It can't be good for the egos of these mammoth sized challengers to be taken down by someone as small as I am. I'm not the waif I was back in the day but I'm still small and "athletic". 

I'm doing pretty well, you know, taking a jab every now and again but nothing to bad. That is until the vampire lands a lucky punch and I fall into the crowd. Someone catches me and I look up and thank him. I'm back in the ring when I realize who had just caught me. I turn around to get another look and call his name, unsure if I was seeing right. “ANGEL?!"  My opponent takes advantage of the distraction and throws me into the crowd. I land on the floor hard. I shake my head, a little dazed, when the crowd parted and let my opponent through. I look up in time to see him coming and roll away from the stomping he is about to give my head. I stand up and the bull of a vampire rears back to take another swing. I drop down into a crouch and slam my fist into his groin with all my strength. The vampire doubles over and howling in pain. I look at the crowd and they are yelling for me to finish the fight. I let a small smile escape my lips as I look down at the mass on the floor, still rolling in pain. I grab him by the arm and stand him up so that I won't be kicking a man when he's down. He stands there looking at me with glassy eyes shadowed by forehead ridges. I double up my fist and repeatedly hit him in the face until I can no longer hold him up. I finally let him fall unconscious to the ground. The crowd counts down from five to give the vampire a chance to stand. I watch him, swaying a bit from being punch drunk. Thank god it was the last fight of the night, now I have a whole week to sleep it off and heal a bit. The crowd reaches zero and I win. There is a mixture of cheering from my supporters and cursing from everyone else. A sea of demons make their way to the bar, carrying me with them. I try to look around to see if I can spot Angel. After looking for several minutes, I give up and sit at the bar. The bookie finishes giving me a cut of the winnings and then Michael comes over. He hands me a card and tells me that someone had left it.

Now I want to say that over these few weeks Michael has been a constant in my existence. One could almost call him a friend, in a wary kind of way. Michael not only owned the bar but also was the bartender. Not a terribly attractive guy but he had a charm about him that made you want to open up to him. After the fights and on the weekdays when I would come in just for a drink and food, we would talk. At one point in our many conversations he let it slip that he did these fights to pay off his own debts with bookies and other disreputable types. But all in all, even though I would trust him about as far as I could throw him, I liked him. 

I look at the card he had just handed me and get his attention as he's pouring a beer me. "Is the guy who gave you this still here Mike?" I ask over the din. He shakes his head and puts my usual beer in front of me. I read the name on the card.  Wolfram & Hart, Attorney's at Law is the name of the company and it gives contact information. I look at the back and in very neat handwriting it says, "Come by when you're finished. A."  Even though he left me, I still have an urge to see him, if only to ask him why. I call Michael over. "What can I get you, Slugger? Or you need a menu?" He asks with a smack of his gum.

"How do I get to this address?" I show him the card. He looks at it and raises an eyebrow.

"It's the Wolfram and Hart building, you can't miss it." He says as he hands me the card back.

"Humor me huh, I'm don't know L.A. any better than you know Paris."

Michael grins and pops his gum. "Who says I don't know Paris, besides I offered to show you around, you never took me up on it."

"I don't date my bartenders. Could lead to bad drinks later on down the road."

"Have it your way." Michael concedes and gives me the directions with a shake of his head. I pay for my drink and grab my leather jacket, helmet and cigarettes from the bar. Before I step away from the bar, Michael grabs my hand and I look at him. "You be careful over there, strange things have been known to happen to people."

"Don't worry, I can kick ass and take names later." I grab some extra napkins to clean up and push my way to the door. I remove the dried blood on my face from the few cuts I have and start off in the direction Michael told me. 


	8. Chapter 8

An hour later, after having to stop for directions twice, I finally find the building. Michael was right, you couldn't miss it. The building is of monolithic proportions, especially if you are used to smaller towns and cities. I park my bike in the garage and walk into the lobby. The receptionist looks startled when I approach the desk. I have to admit I probably look like hell. Bruises and cuts. 

"Welcome to Wolfram & Hart, My name is Harmony. Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Angel."

The blonde receptionist thinks for a minute and asks, "Do you mean Mr. Angel?" I nod yes. "I'll let him know you're here. Can I tell him who is here?"

"Kay, he'll know who I am." While the blonde-haired woman made the call, I looked around the lobby. I never pictured Angel as a corporate type. I wonder if the girl sitting behind the desk knows there is a vampire in the same building she works. It would be fun to see the look on her face when she finds out. I am so caught up in my own thoughts that I don't hear the girl at first. 

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"If you're ready I'll take you to Mr. Angel's office." She gets up from her desk and leads me to as set of doors to the left of her desk. Thankfully, the blonde refrains from making small talk, or talking at all. I am nervous enough as it is without being aggravated by this woman. 

I can't believe that I'm this nervous. This is just Angel, the man who raised me. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't seen him for my entire adult life and that I'm afraid on some level that he wouldn’t approve or like who I've become. I take a deep breath as the door opens and Harmony steps in first and invites me in. I'm told to have a seat because Angel will be here soon. Then she is gone. I look around and notice that the room is very…square. Lots of wood. I look at the wall behind the large desk that is filled with various weapons and artifacts. 

I walk over to study the antiques. You can usually tell a lot about a person by how they decorate their home or office, but this office keeps you guessing. I realize that I don't know a thing about the man who I'm about to talk to. I eventually sit down on the couch across the room and wait.

After a while of waiting there is a knot of fear and anxiety in my stomach. Why did I ever come here? I should be mad at him for leaving but I'm not. I'm getting restless and get up to start pacing. Then out of everything in the room, it was the view that catches my eye. I turn towards the window and watch the city lights twinkle in the night and wait. 


	9. Chapter 9

In a security room elsewhere in the building, Kay is being watched on a closed circuit monitor by and ex watcher. Resting his chin on his hand, with a finger thoughtfully poised over his lips, he turns to the computer beside him and starts to type in commands. He wants to be sure, before he does anything. After a few moments, a photo of Kay flashs on the screen, followed by an entire list of file entries. This file is her life reduced down to binary code. He skims over the information and it isn't until he gets to the end of the document that he smiles. The last statement is all he needs. 

He picks up the phone and makes a call.

“Hello?”

“It’s me. Go ahead with everything as we discussed.”

"I don't know about this."

"Would you like the alternative?"

"No. No sir, not at all, No problem, it'll de done."

The man hangs up the phone and turns back to the camera monitor to continue watching. With a small smile creeping to the corner of his mouth, he leaves the room and tells the guard who enters after him to keep an eye on the woman in Mr. Angel’s office. He gets back to his office and watches the city lights, and waits.

 

***

I've been waiting for over and hour. The sun is about to rise and I need to go back to my room before then. I look around the office and find a piece of paper and a pen. I write a note for Angel telling him to meet me at Mike's next weekend and leave it under a paperweight. I leave the office and tell Harmony that I was leaving and had left a message.

I get back to my hotel and head straight to bed. Between the fight at Mike's and the emotional rollercoaster I just disembarked, I'm exhausted. The next afternoon I wake up and finally look in a mirror. The left side of my jaw is one solid bruise, with shades of black and purple, a matching split lip and eyebrow. I should have taken care of it last night. I grab a towel and wet it down with hot water, using it to try to clean up the cuts a bit better. I finish and strip out of my clothes and start the shower. When I step in I let the hot water massage out the sore and tight muscles in my back and arms. I finish my shower quickly as the hot water runs out and is replaced with cold. 

I towel off, take out the first aid kit, and bandage what wounds need it. I'm just grateful nothing is broken. I get dressed and sit at the small table with my cigarettes and a deck of cards. Only a few hours until sunset and then I can get food, maybe explore the city a bit more.


	10. Chapter 10

The week passes fast. The bruises and cuts healed within a few days and here it is Saturday again. Another fight, another dollar. Mike's is packed tonight. Someone interesting must have won the weeks events to pull in this kind of crowd. I guess I should be concerned, but what the hell, I always go were angels fear to tread. The press of bodies inside is almost suffocating. It's a wonder how they could all fit in such a small establishment. I walk around to the end of the bar where Michael is busy filling a beer mug and I motion for his attention. Michael walks over with a smile from ear to ear, as usual, and leans on the bar. “What can I get you, Cutey?” 

I hand him my helmet and roll my eyes. The man is a terminal flirt. “How ‘bout a locker?”

“Don’t have one of those. I have a shelf with your name on it though.”

“That'll work. So who’s the punching bag for the night?” I ask sarcastically. Michael laughs and points to a tall demon at the opposite end of the bar. I study the creature for a second. “He doesn’t look that bad?” 

“You really need to come here during the week; otherwise you would know that he is a tough son of a bitch.”

“Really!? How tough is tough?” I mean really, the demons that come here are at best, lushes. 

“Let’s just say, no one wanted to fight him last night or the night before. He wiped the floor with everyone.”

“Lovely. Different subject. Any messages?”

“No, but the guy who left you his card last week, is in the back corner.” Michael nods his head in the direction of a corner booth. 

"I would call that a message Mike." I say as I turn around quickly to see where he is looking. There are too many heads in my way and I have to weave back and forth to see anything. Finally, I catch a glimpse of Angel sitting at a table holding a glass of beer. There is obviously someone with him because he is talking to the seat across from him. I'm about to see who it is when a shark headed demon blocks my view. I swallow my irritation and walk towards the table. As I get closer, I see the second person at the table.

“SPIKE!”

He turns his head, as does everyone else in the immediate vicinity. He stands as I get closer and I run up and throw my arms around his neck. “Nice to see you too Pet.” 

“You're alive. Well sort of..."

Spike was about to reply when someone clears his throat. I look over and see Angel staring at us. His has a dark expression on his face and I can tell he is not happy about our little display. With that simple look I feel like I'm a little girl again, with my hand caught in a cookie jar. Spike must sense my unease because he gives my hand a squeeze as I turn to face Angel.

"Hello Da.” I say softly, unsure of what his reaction will be.

“Katherine.” He says as he stands up and comes towards me. I can feel Spike tense up behind me, as Angel offers me his hand as if to shake it. I'm not entirely sure if I want to take his hand. I don't want to reach out and find out this is a dream when we make contact, but he is waiting for me to take it. I reach out slowly and take his hand in mine. With a quick jerk, Angel pulls me into his arms, away from Spike, and hugs me. I don't know what to do. He never hugged me as a child and this is down right awkward. I am about to pull back when I hear him whisper in my ear.

“It's good to see you.”

I didn’t realize until then that I had been holding my breath. I exhale slowly as I reach around his torso to return the embrace, as hard as I can. It seems like we stand there forever in middle of everything before he steps back and offers me a seat.

“I came to see you a few days ago but you never showed.” I explain. 

“It’s a long story.” Angel states as he takes a sip of his beer, cutting a look at Spike. Then an uncomfortable silence falls between us. Angel breaks it a few minutes later by glaring at Spike. "You never told me you knew Katy.”

“You never asked and it never came up.” Spike shrugs and continues to drink his whisky.

“How did you two meet?”

“In a dark alley.” I say in a matter of fact tone. “He tried to kill me, Dru thought otherwise.” I reach in my pocket and pull out cigarettes. Spike nudges me and steals one from the pack. We both light up sending swirls of smoke into the already murky atmosphere of the bar. Angel is obviously upset or tense about something because I can see small muscles in his jaw flexing. I lean forward to talk to him when the crowd starts to yell and cheer. “It’s time.” Michael says from behind me.

I give him a quick nod and then stand up to take off my jacket. “If you gents will excuse me, I’ll be back in a few.”

Spike looks at me then Angel. “What’s going on?” I continue to talk to Michael, while finishing my cigarette and warming up my muscles. Spike grabs my arm and pulls me to him. “Kay!? What in bloody hell are you doing?” 

I give him a huge grin. “It’s the evening entertainment. Michael, what’s the purse up to tonight?” I ask without breaking my gaze from Spike.

“Ten thousand.” 

“WHAT!?” I screech turning away from Spike. That kind of money is outrageous for a backstreet, pit fights. Three thousand maybe, but never more than five is the normal betting pool.

“I have no idea what is going on tonight, all I know is that it’s up to ten thousand and climbing. Once the betting stops who knows.” Michael never looks away from me but he is nervous and I can't tell what would make him this jumpy. Then the thought of the purse comes back to me. It is a lot of money. To win a purse like that would mean no fights for while.

"She's not going to fight a demon for money is she?" I hear Spike ask Angel.

"She did last time we were here." He replies.

"That was her?!" Spike yells. That gets my attention. Spike was here last time and I never saw him. I must have been really out of it.

Angel nods and Spike smiles a little. "Way to go pet." He says giving me a slap on the shoulder. I can't help but smile back at him. He is proud of me, and it feels good.

“Are you in or out?” Michael asks. I look at the space that clears for the fight and hesitate, but only for a minute. 

“I’m in.” I say as I turn back to Angel and Spike. “You two want front row?”

"Better bloody believe it.” Spike says and follows me, with a shrug in Angel's direction.

I step into the circle and turn back to Spike and Angel, handing them my over-shirt. “Wish me luck.” 

“You don’t have to do this.” Angel pleads. I give him a smirk and turn around to step further in to the ring. The crowd goes wild as I give one final stretch and wait for the challenger. As the demon enters the circle someone follows and starts explaining the rules to the crowd. When I see the red-skinned demon, I back up towards Angel and grab his collar. This was not the demon Michael had pointed out earlier. Angel bends down so that he can hear me. 

“What is it?” I ask but never get an answer because the announcer starts to speak. 

“Attention everyone. Tonight there will be a slight change of rules. Usually, the fights are to the first one knocked out. Tonight it’s to the death.”  

The crowd starts to roar as the news takes my breath away. I look to my right and see Michael standing next to Angel. I grab Michael by the collar and pull him so that we are face to face. “WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL!” I scream.

He throws up his hands in surrender but doesn't say anything.

I point a finger in his face, “This is bullshit. It's always been for the sport, not the kill. This ends now, so you might as well tell the crowd to go home because I’m leaving.” I push Michael away and try to move through the crowd, but the crowd won't allow it and pushes me back. Spike and Angel look like they're about to try punch our way out but I realize as I look at the faces of the crowd, that it wouldn't be possible.

“Angel, Spike, stop. You’ll start a brawl.” 

“Would that be a bad thing pet?” Spike asks with a snarl. I look at the demons in front of me and all around, all of them out for blood. 

“A very bad thing Spike.”  

“And you entering this fight isn't?” Angel asks. 

I run my hand through my hair and look at the demon. This is the rock and hard place I've heard so much about. “Not if I can help it, Angel." I turn around and yell to the announcer that I am ready. Angel tries to follow me into the ring but the crowd pulls him back.

I'm about to step to the center when a small man with a tray comes up beside me. “Weapons?” I look at the tray and see an assortment of stakes, knifes and blunt objects.

The demon turns towards me. “Do you need a weapon, little girl?” as he waves away his tray. The crowd lets out a good dose of laughter. I push down the anger and wave the tray away. If anything I want this to be as fair as possible. 

Someone draws a chalk line on the floor and tells us to come to the line. As soon as my foot touches the floor the demon swings towards my head, I duck and roll away. I sweep my foot to kick his legs from underneath him but he jumps over me. Getting up quickly, I deliver a series of blows to his torso, then a kick to his chest. The demon stumbles backwards but I stay with him. I swing again, over extending putting myself off  balance. The demon catches my hand and twists it behind my back. I can hear the bone and tissue groan under the strain. The demon's fist slams into my kidney and I let out a shattering scream. He does this repeatedly, each time more painful than the last. I spin around from the last punch just in time for his fist to smash into my face. My world goes red and I hit the floor. The room is spinning and my mouth is full of my own blood. I push myself up and spit out the blood and saliva, looking up to see the demon rushing me. I roll out of the way and let him charge past. I force myself to stand but end up falling into the crowd. Angel grabs me by the shoulders. "Stop toying with him." He shouts in my ear.

"I'm not." I say, forcing each word out. The crowd pushes me back into the ring and I push the pain down deep, while blocking the demon's barrage of punches and kicks. I still must be close to Angel and Spike because I hear Spike yelling, "Bash his bloody skull in!" I'm not doing my best but at least I'm on my feet. I block a right hook. I see light glint off a blade in the corner of my eye. Then I realize my left side is open for an attack and this S.O.B. took a weapon anyway. I twist my body slightly and shove the demon's hand away, trying to move out of the way of the blade but I don't move fast enough. The knife slices me deep and I collapse to the floor. The room gets quiet as I lay there, blood pooling on my shirt, in too much pain to move properly. When I don't get up he bends down and grabs me from behind by the chin, pulling me up to him. My eyes close as my neck is exposing and the crowd is roaring with approval. Be damned if I'm going to die like this. I open my eyes and grab his arm, flipping him over my shoulder onto his back. Taking his weapon hand in mine, I straddle his torso as I drive the knife through the bottom of his chin, piercing his skull and brain. The demon lets out a gurgle and then is silent. 

I sit for a minute unable to move easily and gathering what little strength I have left. I push myself up to my feet and stagger a few steps, looking at the crowd one by one, who remain silent. I find Spike and Angel standing at the edge of the ring. I give a sigh causing a fresh surge of pain to course through my body from the knife wound. I place a hand over it to stop the bleeding and hopefully the pain. I spot Michael standing by the bookie with a fist full of money. I limp over to him, my blood and the blood of my dead opponent staining my hands, face and clothes. “My money Michael, Where is it?” Michael quickly gathers several bundles of money and places them in a sack. 

“That was beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it. Not only that, I made a bundle, even after paying off my markers.” Michael says with an excited pitch to his voice.

“Piss off!” I grab the bag, and head to the bar for my helmet. Once I get my things, I turn around to leave but Michael grabs me by the arm. I let my face shift into that of a vampire and drop my belongings. I slam the human into the bar. “Don’t you EVER touch me again, or I’ll give you a first person look at how beautiful that was.” I let him go and leave the bar. Angel and Spike try to help me walk but I insist on walking out on my own feet, so they follow close behind. I can see my bike but the pain is worsening and my world is spinning. I turn to hand someone my things but never make it. 


	11. Chapter 11

I wake up in a stark white hospital room, with intraveineious tubes leading from hanging bags to my arms. It takes me a minute to come to completely. Then I remember the demon and fight at Mike's bar. I reach down to the area the knife had cut my side and found that it was bandaged. I hate hospitals, never liked doctors, and never trusted nurses. Now here I am stuck in a place that has both doctors and nurses. I reach down, pull the needles out of my arm, and look for my clothes. I see them lying in a chair across the room so I stand up with a wave of nausea hits me like a truck. I fight back the bile in the back of my throat and tentatively walk to the chair. With each step, I can feel the stitches in my side pulling against the movement. I open the bag and get dressed as quickly as possible, but the pain slows me down. I check my pockets and find a few twenties, right where I left them. The smell of death and antiseptic are making me ill, so I go to the door and look out into the hallway. No one is around, which is odd if this is a hospital. I give one final look and head out in a direction I hope will lead to the outside. 

The wound aches worse now but I push it from my mind. I don't know how I've do it but I find the elevators. It seems an eternity passes before the doors open and I push the button marked parking garage. There's always a way to bypass hospital security. The wound starts to bleed again and I put my hand on it to stop the flow. When the doors open, the garage seems vaguely familiar, but I can't place it. I keep a steady pace and leave the garage, heading up the block. 

I'm so tired and it hurts now. How far have I gone? The hotel must be close by now and I have to get inside before the vampires smell the blood. Finally, there it is. Only half a block to go and I can sleep. I'm almost there when I hear footsteps coming up behind me. I move my hand from my side to the stake in my jacket. Before I can pull it out something slams me against the wall. I almost black out from the pain. I open my eyes and look at my assailant, a vampire with fangs bared and ready to feed. I move my arm to hit him but he pins both of them out to each side, using his body to hold the rest of me. Screaming won't help, help wouldn't arrive in time if they came at all, and the vampire would probably get a kick out of it. As he leans in, I close my eyes, make peace with the universe and say a small prayer I learned years ago. 

Why is he not biting me? I open my eyes and see that the vampire is talking to someone behind him. I can't hear him for the roar of my heart pounding in my ears. The person steps into my view. He's not bad looking. Tall, ash blonde hair, steely blue eyes, dressed in Armani. He says something else to the vampire, who looks confused. Then he turns back to me, thumps my head against the wall hard enough to stun me a little more and lets me drop to the ground. The man in the Armani suit squats down so that he's looking right at me.

“So you’re the one? I am impressed, but not much. I thought you would be taller.” He smiles at his own wit. I look at the man then the vampire behind him. Okay, I'm a little slow today, but my guess is a Sire and childe tag team. Oh, let me start shouting for joy now. I try to stand up but Mr. Armani pushes me back down. “Now, now. Can’t have you standing up and fighting too much. Might do yourself some real damage.” He reaches out and grabs my side where the blood was flowing more freely now. His face shifts and I bite my tongue to keep from crying out. I try to move but he grabs the back of my head with his free hand and licks his bloodied fingers clean. “Tasty.” He pulls me close, looks me in the eyes then pulls my head to the side, exposing my neck. His fangs sink into my flesh. I scream. Suddenly I'm flooded with pain and fear. Memories play over in my mind, like my life on rewind. But, some if this isn't mine. I see Mr. Armani siring others and then a woman sitting on a couch, several months pregnant, reading a book. Mr. Armani comes into the house; the woman gets up, obviously happy to see him because she runs to him. That's when he drains her and forces his blood into her mouth. The vampire shifts back into his human face and that’s when I recognize what is going on. Like a major dosage of intuition. This thing feeding from me is my father, Paul, a turned watcher. Reality comes rushing back to me and I find the strength to say his name.  

“Paul?” It comes out barely a whisper but it's enough to make him pull back. He looks at me with his human face and scowls. I stare back at him through the dizzying haze of blood loss and pain. As he studies me I lift my arms to push him, but they are too heavy and his grip is too firm. I don't want this vampire to be the last thing I see before I die, so I close my eyes.

The bite never comes and when I open my eyes I realize that I'm lying on the ground again. I try to see what is happening but I can't move. I hear Paul say something to me, but can't understand him. I'm cold, confused, dizzy, and in pain. Someone picks me up and I use the last bit of strength I can muster to try to get away. I scream, push and kick. Arms wrap around me keeping me from escaping. 

“It’s okay pet. Their gone. Shhhhh. It's only me.”  The owner of the arms explain.

I know that voice. I stop and try to turn around but he won't let me. So, I try harder. He turns me around and lays across his knee and arm, cradling my head. "Kay! It's over.” 

“Spike?” He nods and wipes away a tear on my cheek. He turns my head and looks at the bite on my neck and I flinch from him. Spike stops for a moment then proceeds to examine me. I hear a growl erupted from deep in his chest. I want to sleep, now that I'm safe. I close my eyes. 

"No you don't pet, stay awake.”  

“Can’t. I’m tired.”

“You can sleep in a little bit, but not now. I’ll have you back to Angel's people and they can fix you up proper. But you have to stay awake.”

I force my eyes open as he bandages my neck with pieces of my shirt and his belt. He picks me up and starts walking. I rest my head on his shoulder. He looks at me every now and then, I guess to check if I'm awake or dead.  

“Yeah, Angel had a fit when he found you were gone. He’s out looking for you and sent me in the opposite direction." Spike explains as I fight unconsciousness. "What in bloody hell were you thinkin’ coming out here like this?”

“Hate hospitals.” I suddenly have the sensation that I'm going to fall and grab the back of Spike’s neck with both hands to stop myself. Spike adjusts his grip slightly and tightens his hold.

“Not going to drop ya pet. We're almost there.”


	12. Chapter 12

Spike walks through the lobby of the law offices without anyone stopping him. By now, I'm freezing and can't stop shaking. He almost kicks in Angel's office door and puts me on the couch. He takes off his duster and wraps me in it. He goes to the door to yell at the blonde girl about making a phone call. I think I saw her last time I was here. Harmony. I'm so cold and…hungry.

***

After telling Harm to call Angel, I head back to Kay. That's when I see her change, and double up. The girl must have lost a helluva lot of blood and now she needs it replaced. I look around for any sign of a place where blood would be kept, but the office doesn't have a fridge. Then I see Angel's crystal carafe of blood. Otter and Pig. I grab the container and turn back around to find Kay standing up, blood dripping down her neck and side, holdin' my duster in one hand. The whole room smells of blood now and it's startin' to make me hungry. Have time for that later. The look on her face is different somehow. When she starts to walk towards me, I figure it out. She's hungry and I'm the next best thing. I put the blood I am holding back down.  

“Harmony!” I yell. When she doesn't come to the door, I yell again. Nothing. Soddin' women. I turn my attention to the one about to have me for lunch. “Now, Kay luv you need to lay back down.” I move towards the door but she cuts me off. She moves forward again and I can tell the girl doesn't see me. This is not good at all. Even freshly risen vamps don't get this bad. What in hell did those bloody pillocks do to her? I step back and get ready for a brawl, or at least give her good punch if need be. “I don’t want to hurt you pet, but if you keep on like this I will.” Kay says nothing but keeps getting closer. I'm about to give her a good jab when the door flies open. Kay turns to see who's coming and that's all I need. I tackle her to the ground and pin her down as best I can. I look up and Harmony is standing there like a stump. Kay is thrashin' about and I'm having a time holding on. “Harm! Don't just stand there. Go get some blood. Human preferably.” Harmony stays in her spot staring at Kay and the blood. "HARM!”

“What!?”

If it weren't for Kay, I'd stake the git. “Go. Get. Some. Human. Blood. Now!”

“Okay, Okay, you don’t have to yell you know.” With a flip of her hair, Harmony walks out of the door.

I turn back to Kay. The girl is almost rabid. “It’ll be okay, just calm down.” Kay is a strong one but I'm still stronger, although it's wearin' me down holding her like this. If Harmony doesn't get back here soon, I'll let Kay go after her. I'm about to yell for her when Kay lets out a growl and thrashes about harder trying to get to my neck. I tighten my grip and keep as far away from her mouth as possible. Kay lets out another frustrated scream as Angel charges through the door.

“What is going on in here?” Angel was always a loud bellower. 

“We’re playing cards. What’s it look like peaches? She’s trying to tear my bloody throat out and your bint of an assistant hasn’t gotten back with the blood I asked for.”

Angel kneels down on the floor above Kay’s head and tells Wesley and Gunn to go check on Harmony's progress. He clamps down on Kay's wrists and I slide down her legs to get a better hold on them. Angel looks at the belt I put around Kay’s neck with some shirt material to stop the bleeding. 

“What happened?” Peaches isn't the quickest horse in the race.

“Vamp got to her. Drawn to the smell of the blood I would imagine. Found him draining her and stopped him. I’ve never seen her get like this before.” Kay got a foot free long enough to kick me off her legs. “Bloody hell where is that woman!” I scramble back to Kay and grab her knees, pushing them down. The entire time she's screaming and growling.

“I’m right here. Jeez Spike, don’t know why you're getting all excited it’s not as if she’s a real vampire or anything. She couldn’t hurt anything."

I move to sit on Kay's waist and grab the bags of blood when Harmony gets close enough. “Maybe you would like us to let her go.” I hiss at her. Kay gets very still.

“Yes please. I would like that. Let me up.” I look at Kay and she has the same smile on her face that Dru used to get. I can't help but think that maybe Kay has gone around the bend. 

“The blood, Spike.” Angel says to me.

I remember what I was doing and tear open the corner of the bag with my teeth. I put the bag to her mouth and she sucks it down. Small drops of blood escape from the corners of her mouth but she's keeps up with the blood into her. I do this until all the bags are gone. After the final bag, Kay lays still and quiet. She's breathing hard and licking the remaining blood from her lips. The blood must have stopped the shock she was going into. I never figured out how she worked. How she could have a heartbeat and still drink as much blood as she did. Angel and I keep a hold on her until she falls asleep and her human face shows up. Angel takes the belt off her neck to look at the bite mark, then he examines her side, both sites have stopped bleeding and already look like they're starting to heal, but barely.

“We should get her back to the infirmary.” Angel says as he moves to pick Kay up. “Harmony, give them a call and let them know we’re on our way.” Angel picks Kay up and heads to the door. I have to stop him. If she has another episode like this the doctors won't be able to stop her.

“Hold on a minute Harm. Angel look, she hates hospitals and putting her there is what drove her out in the first place.”

Angel looks at Kay who's resting her head on his shoulder. “Where then?”

“Well, my place isn't exactly furnished yet. How bout yours?”

Angel looks at her and nods his agreement.

 

We get her up to Angel's place with no problem. As soon as we get there, he puts her in his bed. I'm watching from the doorway as he leaves the room. “Spike, be useful and get those bloody clothes off of her.” Angel turns into the bathroom and continues to get bandages. I hate it when the poof gets like this. All maternal and bossy, but I don't have the energy to argue. I go to the bed to do what I was told. I look at her lying there, broken and battered, and I want to tear something apart. Specifically, the bastards who did this to her. She moans in protest at being moved so that I could slip off her shirt, but she doesn't wake up. I stop to make sure she isn't going to wake up and rip me apart. She doesn't move again and I continue removing her boots and pants. I finish by throwing a blanket over her. Angel comes back in with a wet cloth and bandages. He sits on the edge of the bed and starts to wipe the blood from her neck, while I empty her pockets. I fold up the clothes and put them in a pile next to the bed. Angel finishes with her neck and moves to the stitched up gash in her side. He's quick about cleaning and bandaging her wounds and then covers her back up. He stands up and motions for me to follow him out of the room. 

“Did you recognize the vampire?”

“Didn’t get a good look at ‘im. But he’ll be back.” I pull out a cigarette which Angel gives me a look like I had better not light up, so I put it back.

Angel walks to the refrigerator. “What makes you think that?” Angel offers me a cup of blood, which I gladly accept. All that blood got me more than peckish.

“He said so. What ever happened she was spooked and not the usual with a vampire attack. She was downright hysterical.” I sit on the sofa and relax. “Never knew she had that kind of strength in her.”

“She’d might be dead if the hunger hadn’t taken her over like that.” Angel sits beside me with a sigh. “She never used to do that.”

Leave it to Angel to say something like that. Always living in the past. That's why it took him so sodding long to get used to his soul. Plus, the wanker hasn't seen her in years, neither of us have. “It's been a long time mate, since either of us really knew her or what she does.”

Oh great. The poof's brooding again. "You gave her human blood." He didn't so much ask and state a fact. 

"Didn't want to risk her not taking it. She's been drinking vampire for who knows how long and before that human." 

"Makes sense. I always fed her mine when she was young. It was the only way she would feed." He says staring at coffee table. I turn to him, shocked. It's one thing for Angel to have shared his blood with Dru or any of his childer; but with Kay?  “I’m going back to the office for a little while. Stay with her until I get back.” 

"Fine by me Peaches." He shuts the door behind him and I get up to look in on Kay. She looks so young when she sleeps, all the worry and pain disappears from her face. Satisfied that she's alright, I go back to the living room and stretch out on the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up from a good deep nap to the sound of screaming, echoing through the place. I jump up and run to the bedroom to find Kay sitting up, backing into the headboard and throwing punches at thin air. I dodge her fists, grabbing her by the shoulders. She looks right at me, but doesn't see me. Her screams become shouts. “Stay away. Don’t Touch Me!” and she scurries to the other side of the bed. I reach out again and she swings wild. I finally get hold of her and give her a shake.

“Kay wake up dammit!”

I can't get her to wake up so I give her a smack across the face. Not hard mind you, just enough to smart. She jumps a little and blinks. Her eyes dart back and forth then they settle on me. She bursts into tears and puts her head on my chest.

.“Oh god, I’m sorry Spike. I’m so sorry.”

 

****

I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but in my dream, I had to get away. Then right before I woke up, my dream-self staked Spike. That's why I'm crying into his chest, apologizing.

Spike wraps his arms around me and hugs me close. “It’s okay pet, its over. You were having a nightmare, that’s all." I calm down and reach to my neck. It was all too real; I thought it was just a part of my dream. Then I remember what happened, all of it, and I can't look him in the face. 

Spike strokes my hair and bends close to me. "You want to talk about it?”

“No.” I extract myself from his hold and sit against the headboard, trying not to hiss at the pain. I can tell he is watching me, like he's trying to make a decision or figure out what to say. 

“You should get some more sleep.” He says after a while. I agree and lay back down. He pulls up the comforter, before he backs up to walk away. I realize that I don't want to be alone with my nightmares.

"Spike?"

“Yeah luv?”

“Stay with me please.”

Spike comes back to the bed and stretches out beside me. I roll over onto my good side and put his arm around me, hugging it like a teddy bear. “Now go back to sleep, I’ll be right here." He whispers to me. I close my eyes and drift off. 

 

**

It's after dawn and I'm exhausted. I spent the rest of the night trying to find information about this vampire who attacked Kay and how she made it out of the building so easily without anyone noticing her until it was too late. Thankfully, the cleaning crew was able to get the blood out of my office carpet. I'll get a little sleep and talk to Kay when she wakes up. 

I go into my bedroom to get a change of clothes and I find Spike on the bed, sleeping next to Kay. I resist the urge to pull the childe out of the bed by his neck until I see the fierce grip Kay has on his hand. I walk over to Kay’s side of the bed and look down at her. I regret having left her all those years ago but it was the best thing for her, at the time. I go to turn off the light when Kay whimpers and rolls toward the edge of the bed. I reach out to stop her when Spike tightens his arm around her and pulls her towards him. Kay quiets back down and falls into her quiet breathing again. At that moment, I envy Spike. He's able to comfort her, even in her sleep. Even when she was child, I was never able to do that. I pick up the discarded blanket she had been using earlier and drape it over Spike. Spike can be a pain in the ass but I still care for him on some level, but I'll never admit that to anyone. I turn off the lamp and go to the living room to sleep on the couch. 


	14. Chapter 14

I wake up to find Spike has left the bed.  I look at the clock and angry red numbers tell me that it's eight thirty at night. I shut out the reality of the time until my stomach starts to rumble. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I slowly sit up. I listen to see if anyone else is around and I hear Spike talking low to someone. Slowly moving the covers to the side I stand up. I must be healing a lot faster or have been asleep for a long time, because the pain is minimal and I don't want to heave. I go to the bathroom and get a look at myself. I check my bandages and see that the wounds are healing neatly, but are still fresh enough to bleed if struck with enough force. I carefully start the shower and clean up. When I finish, I check the room and find a robe on the back of the door. I wrap it as tightly as I can around me and walk into the bedroom where I find my bags on the bed and clothes laid out for me. Spike probably heard the shower running and brought this in. I re-bandage myself and get dressed. I leave the bedroom and in the living room are several people sitting there, talking is hushed voices. I only recognize Spike and Angel. 

They haven't seen me or are ignoring me, so I walk slowly towards them to sit down.

"Hello sunshine, nice to see you up and around.” Says a green faced demon with red horns. Angel looks at me.

“What are you doing up? You need to rest.”

“I had every intention of staying in a very warm, very soft bed but my stomach has other plans, plus I heard the whispering and had to find out what was going on.” I say giving him a small smile. I sit down beside Spike, while Angel introduces everybody. "This is Lorne, Wesley, Gunn, and Fred. Everyone this is Katy." Angel points to each in turn. I smile and ask them to call me Kay. Never did like the name Katy, Katherine I can tolerate. I let Angel call me that because he always has, unless I was being scolded. 

Someone, Fred I think is her name, comes up to me and says she needs to check me over. I let her run a scanner over me and check my vitals. I look at Spike who is lifting his mug to take a sip. He swallows, meeting my eyes. He tips his mug as if to offer me some. I look inside and see the cup is filled with blood, but it has what looks like cereal floating in it.

"What's in it?” I whisper

"Cornflakes and Tabasco” He says as he takes another mouthful. I think I'm going to heave. 

"That is disgusting. 

"Don't knock it ‘til you try it luv.” He says with a slurp as Fred finishes her cursory exam with a nod. She tells Angel the results as he comes back to us and puts a coffee mug in front of me. I smell the reheated blood, not human or vampire, but its blood. Suddenly I'm very hungry and everything kind of dims around me. I am so hungry. I feel my face shift. I snatch up the cup and chug it down. When I finish everyone is looking at me, some of them with horrified looks on their faces, including Angel. Except I think he is more appalled at my manners. My face goes back to normal and I have the good sense to apologize, even though I want to lick the sides of the cup clean.

"As much blood as you've lost pet, it's a miracle you have things to apologize for." Spike says as  he continues with his breakfast.

"Yes, well…We were discussing earlier, your attack.”  Now I can't remember who the hell this one is that just spoke. Gunn??? Lorne?? No Lorne is the demon. Wesley! 

"What about it?” I stand up slowly and walk to the kitchen to rinse out the mug.

"For starters, luv, what you remember because we’re going to find him and stake his ass proper.” 

Oh god. Not that. Don't want to talk about that. I look at the group and they are expecting an answer. Damn. I lean on the sink and let out a slow breath. I push gently away from the counter and cross my arms over my chest. “What do you want to know exactly?”

“What he looks like for starters.” Angel leans forward, resting his arms on his knees.

"Blonde, tall, wearing a suit, Armani I think. The other one was his childe.” My voice catches in my throat as I run the event over again in my mind. I can't believe that I could have been as stupid as that. I walk to the necro tempered glass and look out at the lights of the city, trying not to get upset, but it wasn’t working. I reach up to my neck, placing my hand over the bandage. Not sure why. It was just comforting to know that there was something there to cover up the bite mark. I don't even see Angel come up to me until he touches me on the arm, making me jump. “You alright, Kay?” 

Okay here it goes. I take a deep breath and nod my head.

"You might want to sit down for this Da.” We walk back couch and sit down. “I know who the vamp is. His name is Paul, or at least it was. He used to be a watcher until he was turned. I thought he was dust long ago. I was wrong.” My hands seem intensely interesting at this point and I try not to wring them together. "Don't ask how I know his name, because I haven't figured it out myself, but I did know of him before the other night. The council didn’t tell me much, just basics, never a name or a face. It wasn't until he bit me that I knew. Now I know exactly who he is." Everyone is giving me their undivided attention and most of them are looking a bit confused

"What do you mean until he bit you?” Fred asks meekly.

"I'm not sure, but when he started to feed from me I started to see things, like his memories were mine. Then I heard his name. Paul." 

"Telepathy or perhaps empathy. In a vampire?" Wesley asks.

"I have no idea, I kill vampires I don't study them." I say trying not to sound as disturbed as I am. 

"Don't tell me seeing the exploits of some bleedin' fledgling got you worked up like that last night? Because I know you've seen worse things than what he could have shown you." Spike says as he crosses his arms.

I dropped my head to look at my lap. Now for the hard part. Deep breath and jump…. "He's my father." 

"What?!" both Angel and Spike chorus.

"You heard me. He's my biological father."

Angel leans back with an unreadable expression. 

"How awful." Fred said piteously. 

Everyone is very quiet and it's becoming uncomfortable. I shift in my seat and sneak a glance at Angel; he's still staring blankly into thin air, with a very unhappy look on his face. I decide I should probably leave before his head starts spinning or exploding. I stand up and head back to the bedroom. "Well as much fun as this is, I need to get some more sleep."

When I shut the door I listen further to the others talking through the door. Angel remains quiet until everyone leaves.

"Why after all this time would he come for her?" I hear Angel ask someone.

"Don't know mate, might have not known about her or lost track." Spike didn't leave obviously. It's nice to see them getting along. Then it gets very quiet for several minutes. Spike breaks it. "We'll find him Angel. When we do, you can have at him as long as you let me get a few licks in."

I hear the front door shut and Angel pick up a book. I go to the bed and lay down. I dream of blood, death and teeth tearing flesh. Not pleasant at all.


	15. Chapter 15

Two weeks have passed and Angel hasn't found Paul, or at least not told me about it. My wounds are healed now, except for a little tenderness and scars. I need to work the muscles back into condition and after many, many, many conversations; Angel agrees to let me train. My evenings are the same. Angel and I wake up do some Tai Chi and have some breakfast. Mine is usually eggs and toast with a side of blood. 

Angel and I are in the middle of our routine when a question pops in my head and won't go away. I work up the nerve to ask him. "Angel? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

I continue to do the breathing required of this workout and step into the next pose. "Why did you leave when I was younger?"

Angel stops moving but I keep going, I can't look him in the face for this. 

"It's complicated."

I close my eyes briefly then turn to look at him expectantly. "I can understand complicationed but I was terrified, you do realize that don't you?"

"I'm sorry." He says turning away from me.

"I just want to know why."

Angel sighs. "I couldn't trust myself around you anymore. I had to leave before I found myself feeding from you and not stopping."

I hadn't expected that answer. I really didn't know what he was going to say, but I'm sure it wouldn't be that.  Angel goes on. "I was still having a hard time controlling my demon; I was amazed that I did for so long. Just one night I went in to check on you while you slept and all I could think of was your blood. I lost sight of you as a person, so I left. I didn't want that to happen."

I choke back my tears and swallow hard. "All this time, I thought I had done something wrong to drive you away."

"No." Angel walks over to me and places his hand on my cheek. "It was never you."

I blink away my tears as Wesley comes in and calls for us. Angel removes his hand and we go out to greet him. 

"Hey Wesley." I say as cheerfully as possible and go to get some blood.

"Kay, nice to see you again." 

"What did you find?" Angel asks.

"I may have found something on Kay's vampire." Wesley opens the book he is holding and points to a page. Angel takes the book and set it down on a table. 

I almost choke on the blood I was drinking. "You found him?"

"Actually more than just him. We found references to you and your mother."  

"So what's it say?" I ask.

"Well basically, the reason why your fa…this vampire is still alive is that the council never found him. He wasn't there by the time they arrived. You were delivered post mortem and your mother was …." Wesley stops and looks from me to Angel.

"Killed." I finish for him. "You can say it."

"Yes well, after that, the reports of Paul become sporadic. Which the ones that are there are very disturbing. Then the entries stop in the early 90's when he dropped out of sight completely, no mention of him."

"How disturbing?" Kay asked, not really wanting to know, but needing to.

"Well, since his turning in 1945, he not only fed but defiled the bodies and left them in areas where they could be found."

I looked at one of the photographs the book had of a victim and I suddenly feel very ill. Usually I would think a vampire was being sloppy by leaving bodies lying out but there was something about these kills. I sit down on the couch and lean against the back of it, looking at the ceiling. 

"Kay you alright?" Angel asks looking up from the book.

"Yeah. Just digesting information."  Why is this happening? Was it an accident that he found me? Then something dawns on me. I sit up a little too quickly. "What year was he turned again?"

"1945. Why?"  

I do the math. "I'm 58 years old. Oh god, I never realized how long I'd been around. I have to start keeping a calendar. So there's nothing on him after 1990?"

"Not one mention other than the council was trying to draw him out." Wesley explains.

"How?"  Angel asks flipping through some more pages.

Wesley hesitates. Angel and I look at him. 

"Well? How?" I really hate it when people draw things out, even more when they think they are protecting me.

"Well it seems that all of his victims look very close if not identical to you, Kay and the council thought that by….employing you …"

"Bait?" I stand up and clench my fist until the nails start to bite into my palms. I don't mind the pain, it means I'm here and alive. "Those Fuckers!" I turn on my heel and go to the bedroom where my bags are and start to change into regular clothes. I reach in my bag again, taking out a stake and check it for weaknesses in the wood. I can't believe this. It's too much. I can feel the rage inside me, building so I throw my stake to vent. I have no idea where to start looking. Angel walks in but doesn't say anything. He just watches me pace the room. "Bait. Fucking Bait. They ruined my life, tortured me, and threatened to kill me just so they could kill another vampire." I look at Angel. "I swear if they were alive I would butcher each one of those limey bastards."

Angel raises his eyebrow at me, "But their not alive, the council was incinerated." 

"Those conniving vultures got what they deserved." I snap back. I should feel bad for hating so much. 

Angel takes a step forward as if he's going to hug me or something. I hold up my hand and grab my jacket. Heading for the balcony door I tell him that I need some air. Once on the balcony I light a cigarette, my first since staying with Angel. Stress sucks and I feel like screaming at the world. Instead, I remain very quiet and still. 


	16. Chapter 16

Angel and Wesley have finally left for the office. I'm glad because I knew they had been looking at me with those 'poor Kay' looks. I am pissed off, not grieving. Well I might be in a way. Kind of selfish if you think about it. But who gives a damn, I sure don't. After a while I hear the door of the balcony open but I don't look. 

"Evening pet."

I grunt around the filter of my cigarette. I don't feel like giving chipper greetings. 

"What's eatin' you?" He asks as he sits in the chair next to me. I keep my stare straight ahead and exhale a lung full of smoke. I take another deep drag. Inhale, hold, and exhale. It always calms me down a bit. 

"How long do you think it will be before I'm able to fight?"   

Spike thinks about it before he answers. "A few more days I would think, but I'm no doctor. Why?"

"Good." I get up and go inside. With Angel in the office, there's little chance he'll interfere with what I want to do. Spike will more than likely help. I pull out my weapons taking stock of them and deciding what I'll take. Spike comes up behind me and says nothing until I pull out my case of stakes.  

"Kay what the hell is going on?" Spike turns me around and I don't have time to put down the stake I'm holding. The point touches his chest. "Bloody Hell! Watch where you point that!" He removes the stake from my grasp and throws it on the table. I might be wrong about him helping me. "Now, are you going to tell me or do I wait for the newspapers?"

"He's coming for me Spike, I know he is and I'm just going to beat him to it." I state plainly.

"Who?"

He should know this for the love of Christ, so I give him a frustrated look.

"Not by yourself your not."

"Watch me." I turn and start to put on my gear. When I reach for my stake, Spike pushes my hand down on the table. He is close enough to me that I can feel his unneeded breaths.

"Say you find him, then what? Stake him. That's fine, until something goes wrong with that slice in your gut. It'll give him the perfect chance to wring that little neck of yours. But that's what you want. Isn't it?" Spike hisses the last question into my ear. I remain motionless and stare at Spike's hand that is covering mine. "You do. You have a death wish. Well that's fine luv. Go and get yourself killed." Spike disengages his hand and takes a few steps back, crossing his arms over his chest. I stare at the stake on the table and trace initials I carved in it, with my finger. He's right, otherwise why would I have fought at Charlie's or any number of things I've done over the years. It all boils down to pride and not caring about the consequences. I've never fought for anything worthwhile, only fought to survive. 

"Do you know the reason why the council took me?" I ask him without looking up. "I was bait to draw him out of hiding." I let out a small chuckle. "Be damned if their great and wonderful slayers couldn't find him without me. They took away everything I loved so they could catch a vampire. A fledgling! After everything, I wonder why I'm still alive. So yeah maybe I do have a death wish."

"Boo fucking hoo, Kay. So, the Watcher's used you. I can count on one hand the number of people who haven't experienced that." I'm shocked; he has never talked to me like this before. I don't know whether to hit him or cry. Spike runs his hand through his hair and continues. "Jesus, pet. Get over it and move on. As for this bastard who's after you, you'll get your chance, but you have to promise me that you'll not go off half cocked." 

Reality finally sinks into my head. He's right, about all of it and I have been moping around Angel's for the entire time. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. I hate it when he is right. He asked me to promise not to go after Paul and he is expecting an answer. It is amazing how at times he can still make me feel like a bumbling girl all over again.Spike tilts his head. "Well?"

"I promise I won't go after him. Okay?"

"Good." Spike steps forward and gathers me up to his chest in a hug. "I would hate to have to try and hold you down again until you came to your senses." You know, since Spike has gotten his soul, he hugs a lot more. I mean, when I was living with him in New York and we would go out he would have his hand lightly on the back of my neck. But I always thought it was his way of telling other demons and vampires that I was his. I can't help but laugh and return the hug. You never know he might loose his soul someday and then no hugs. I'm actually growing fond of them. 

Thoughts of chasing Paul down leave my mind because a once in a lifetime opportunity has come up. A time where I can mercilessly tease Spike about being this way. Plus, with him having a soul, it'll be easier.

"You're getting weak and soft. Probably couldn't hold down a feisty pillow if you tried." 

"Soft! Weak!" Spike pulls me away from him and I grin like a Cheshire cat. He is speechless. Score one for the team. Before I can stop him, he has me on the floor, facedown, with my arms twisted behind my back. "Now who's helpless?"

"Spike! Let me up!"

"Not until you fess up."

"Get bent."

"Not what I wanted to hear, Pet." He moves my arm a little further into the contortion. I struggle to get away, but it's useless, unless I want to tear stitches out.

"What do you want to hear?" 

"I'm not letting you up until you admit that I'm the biggest baddest vampire you've ever laid eyes on."

"Spike this is ridiculous!"

"I'm not the one on the floor, twisted like a pretzel."

"Spike let me up or so help me I'll..."

"You'll what? Pout at me. Oh horror." He gasps in feigned fear.

"I mean it."

"Nope, not until you say it."

"Not in your wettest dream Blondie."

"Fine. I'll have to torture you." Spike grabs my hands with one of his and the other tickles my ribs. I hate being tickled. Mainly because I'm ticklish. I kick and scream with laughter. "That is not fair." I gasp out between breaths when Spike stops.

"All's fair. Now say it."

I shake my head defiantly. Spike moves to continue his 'torture'. I try to move but when I can't, I give in. 

"Okay, Okay... You are a bad assed vampire." Spike gives me a smug smile. 

"What else?"

I roll my eyes, "You are neither weak nor soft because you are the Big Bad. Happy now?"

"You forgot charming and sexy." I can just see the look on his face. He probably has a grin on his face, thinking that he is being cute. 

"Get off of me, you weigh a ton."

"I don't know. I kind of like you like this all contrite and submissive." Spike says as he lets me turn over and then he straddles my waist. I try moving again but he won't move. What does he want now? Probably going to gloat some more. So help me if he tickles me again I'll…. Spike leans forward and brushes his lips to mine. An almost tender kiss, but we…I can't do this. I push his shoulders so that at least our lips separate.

"Angel will be back soon and I should put things away so he won't have a fit." I say as calmly as possible. The moment broken, Spike gets up. I pull myself up and pick up the mess I made. When I come back into the living room from putting the bag away, Spike is gone. I go to the CD player, put in one of Angel's classical discs, and try to concentrate on the music. I can't. That damn kiss keeps coming back to my mind. I can still feel him. It felt so good but I can't go back to being a second fiddle with Spike, even if it was to ghosts and memories. I realize that I hate the music playing and change the disc with something more modern. Soon the rhythm has me thinking of other things. 

***

Across town, Paul is not happy. It has been weeks and not once has Kay left Angel's apartments. For a while, he had thought she might have died, until he overheard the watcher and Angel talking about her in the present tense. It took a while for Paul to realize he had made a mistake in attacking her, but the smell of her blood had driven him past reason. He needed her for more than just kicks, there was a purpose for everything, and all he had to do was be patient. Not an easy thing for a vampire under a century old. He stared out at the night sky trying to figure out a way either to keep better track of his prey or to bring her out into the open. He almost had put his finger on a good plan when his childe came into the room. 

"I thought I told you not to come in here?"

The childe froze to his spot and bowed his head. "I'm sorry Sire but there's a bartender here to see you."

Paul is surprised, but only for a moment. He stands up and walks towards the younger vampire. "Remind me later, to punish you for being disobedient." The vampire lowers his head farther and acknowledges his sire's command. 

Paul leaves his sanctuary too meet his guest in the adjoining room.

"Michael, so nice of you to drop by. What brings you out this way?"

Paul can smell the fear rolling off the man in waves.

"Business." Michael says as firmly as possible.

"Ah Yes. Business." Paul casually put his hands in his pockets but his face is a mask of pure menace. "What about business?"

Michael hesitates and then stammers his reply. "Well, the thing is… um we had a deal about Kay. And well you see I came through on my end, but…they're still coming around to collect."

Paul remains unmoving and after a few moments he takes a deep unneeded breath and walks toward Michael. "Of course. How thoughtless of me, It completely slipped my mind." When he is beside the man, Paul put his arm around Michael's shoulder and in a flurry of a movement, brakes his neck. Michael collapses to the ground and Paul takes out his handkerchief to wipe imaginary stains from his hands. He walks back into the room he was in before. "Go clean up that mess." He says  to his childe as he passes. "Then when you're done, come back in here. We have a few things to finish." Paul turns to a window and studies the stars.


	17. Chapter 17

It has taken a little convincing but I finally get Angel to agree to let me come to his office with him. I originally tried to get him to let me go out on the town, but he shot that idea dead before it matured to far. The arrangement would have been perfect if it hadn't been for that damnable assistant of his. Harmony. 

I was going to do some research on my own, but so far I haven't gotten a thing accomplished. For the past hour, she has talked non-stop. Somehow, this git has gotten it into her head that I'm an excellent person to talk to. I am about to stake her right in the middle of the lobby when Angel comes in and tells the girl to get back to work. I could dance for joy that she is gone but Angel only stays a few minutes. Damn. Now Harmony will be back here in no time. Maybe I can slip out. Too late. This time the girl starts prattling on about shoes. I excuse myself and tell her that I am going back up to the apartment. 

On the way up, I wonder when I had gotten so obedient. If any other person had told me that I couldn't leave the building, I would have flipped them off and left. Why is it different with Angel? One simple reason, he's still my Da and I'm still his little girl. 

I open the door and decide to work out to keep myself entertained since I've lost the taste for TV and books. Moving the furniture and turning on the radio, I work out for the next hour. Physical activity has always helped me clear my mind. I stop to stretch out the tighter muscles in my body and relax. As I put the furniture back, a favorite song of mine comes on. Before I even realize it, I'm singing and dancing with it. I go to the bedroom to change clothes. I put on a button down shirt and for some reason, or maybe no reason at all, sunglasses. I know it sounds awful, but if worked for Tom Cruise, why not. The song has changed, but I know it too. I continue to sing out into the living room, dancing as I do so. Gyrating my way to the kitchen. I pick up a spoon, because I know there is ice cream in the freezer begging to be eaten. A catchy part of the song starts and I'm into it by now, ice cream be damned. I use the spoon as a microphone. Who cares, no one is here. No one to see me act like an ass except the furniture. I run into the living room and skid across the floor, finishing out the song with a twirl and…a heart attack, someone is clapping. ANGEL AND LORNE! Both of them standing in the doorway. Angel looks like he is about to explode from holding in his laughter and Lorne has this thoughtfully amused look on his face. I feel my face flush. "Didn't hear you guys come in."

"We can see that." Angel says biting back another fit of laughter.

"Don't tease her Angel. Of all the living room concerts I've seen, that was the best. Remind me to talk to you later." Lorne says.

I clear my throat and excuse myself to the shower as Angel snorts from holding in the laughter. I thankfully have the water on full blast before I hear anything else. 

As I absorb the warmth from the water, I swear I can taste blood in my mouth and arms around me. I look around me and I'm the only one in the shower, at the same time realizing that the taste in my mouth is gone. These feelings have been happening to me more often lately. The feeling of feeding or being fed from. It must be from being penned up for too long.

That's it, I've had it. I can't be cooped up anymore, It's causing me to go crazy. I get out of the shower, dry off, put on my robe and head to the bedroom to get dressed. I look in the mirror when I finish and I don't look half-bad. I need to go out, but how do I get past Angel? I'm not going to ask him if I can, I'm an adult for crying out-loud. Okay, maybe I'm a little childish but that's not the point. I got it. I'll just walk out the door and say good night on the way out. I'll be gone before he can stop me….Nope, won't work. He'll follow me. So how do I get out and not have him follow me. Considering he would want to make sure I'm safe and all that. Then it hits me like a two-ton brick. Spike. If I take Spike with me, Angel will first of all, not want to go with me, and secondly feel that someone is there to look out for me. I pick up the phone and dial his number. Takes a little sweet-talking but he agrees and we hang up.

Twenty minutes later, I put a stake in my pocket and head for the door. Angel and Lorne are sitting at the table drinking tea. "Going out for a bit Da. I'll be back before dawn." I rush for the door, without trying to appear as if I'm rushing.

Angel and Lorne look up. Angel gets up from his chair and moves to cut me off. "Kay, wait. You shouldn't be going out, you're still recovering." 

"Angel, I think that if I can work out for an hour and dance in a living room for half that time without so much as a cramp, that I can go out for a movie or beer. I'm not a wilting flower. Beside if it will make you feel better, I'll come straight home if I see anything evil."

Angel doesn't say anything, no arguments mean approval. I pull open the door and Spike is leaning on the frame. "Ready pet?" I wonder when he got here?

"See I have a body guard." I say to Angel as I join Spike in the hall. 

"I'll have her home at a respectable hour, Peaches, no less deflowered than she already is." Spike says with a smirk. Angel scowls and is about to say something when I punch Spike in the arm, giving him a piercing glare. If we open that can of worms now I'll never get out of here. I grab Spike by the duster and drag him away from the door, down the hall, leaving Angel standing there

Once we're out of the building Spike starts talking again. "So where are we going?" Spike asks as he pulls free from my hand.

"Don't know really. I had to get out of there for a while." I rifle through my pockets until I find my smokes. I pull one out and tap the end of it on the box. I put it in my mouth and light it. "Let's go find us a bit of fun, huh Spike?"

"Lead the way pet." Spike steps to the side and gestures for me to pass.

"I can't believe you told Angel you would bring me back no less deflowered than I was."

"Yeah." Spike says with an evil smirk came to his face. "But did you see the look on his gob when I said it?"

I smile. I had seen the look of disgust on Angel's face, and I start to giggle uncontrollably at the memory. Before long, both of us can hardly walk from laughing so hard. When we finally calm down, we walk several blocks to an all night restaurant for a cup of coffee.

 

***

I absentmindedly stir my drink, watching the cream make patterns in the dark liquid. I get bored when the cream is mixed. I pull the spoon out, sitting it on the table. Spike is making piles of sugar packets on the table. So busy doing that, he doesn’t see me slip an ice cube from my glass and place it on the table. With careful precision, I flick the small cube into his forehead. 

"OI!" he says bringing his hand to wipe away the cold water. I try desperately to hold in the laughter. Eventually my entire body is shaking while I cover my mouth tightly. "What was that for Pet?"

"You should (snort)...have seen the look (giggle)... on your face." I bury my face in my hands and continue to laugh. 

"Think it's funny do you?"  I can only nod my head yes before another giggle escapes. Spike stands in a flurry of leather and grabs me out of my seat, pulling me against him. I follow his left arm up with my eyes to where he is holding a glass full of ice and water. I let out a screech. "What do you think I should do with this pet?" Spike asks me, bringing the glass closer to the front of my jacket. 

"I'm sorry Spike. I won't hit you with ice anymore. I promise." I plead. I really don't want to be covered in ice water. Spike is about to say something in response when the server interrupts us.

"Excuse me, sir. Could you please tone it down and take your seat. You're disturbing the other guests." The woman requests politely.

"Sorry 'bout that luv. We'll be quiet." He says as he let me go. The server smiles and goes back to what she was doing. I sit back down in my chair as he reaches into his pocket. He throws some money on the table. He still has the glass in his hand and a devilish look on his face. My eyes widen when I realize that he is going to go through with it.

"You wouldn't?" A mischievous smirk comes to the corner of Spike's mouth. I don't have time to say anything before he dumps the contents of the glass on the top of my head. Ice cubes and water run to the floor, much of it down my shirt. I can't help but scream. "Spike!" I am soaking wet and he is laughing. I hit him with a single, solitary ice cube and I get a bath. He grabs me and drags me out the front door before the manager can come over and throw us out. 

When we are several storefronts away from the restaurant, I stop and begin digging out the melting ice cubes from my clothes "That was not fair. I only hit you with one cube not a whole glass of 'em"

"Payback's a bitch." He says with a grin.

I let the last ice cube fall to the ground and push his arm. "Really?" I raise both eyebrows, daring him to push back. 

"Don't think you want to start that pet."

"Why, afraid I'll kick your ass?" I tease, stepping slightly closer. 

"Bite your tongue. I'm the one who taught you how to kick an ass in the first place."

I move back one step and start to walk around him and up the street. Spike catches up. I let him pass me and he doesn't even notice. Bad Spike, not paying attention. I bring up my foot, connecting it to his backside. Spike jumps several inches in the air and he spins around. I barely get my foot back on the ground before he stares at me. I give him a huge grin. "Told you I could kick your ass."

Spike reaches out to try to grab me, but I duck. "To slow old man. Got to do better than that."

"Oh I will pet, don't you worry bout it." Spike steps forward and I automatically go into a fighting stance. 

"Let's see what ya got then 'Blondie Bear'." I love the look on his face when I use Harmony's name for him. Spike growls low in his chest, and we circle each other. We both take a few swings at each other, but all of them are easily blocked. More like sparing that fighting. We continue this down the sidewalk until we pass an alley.  

That's when I smell it. Blood and death. Spike stops when I put my arms down. I concentrate harder and inhale, trying to find the source. "Do you smell that?" I ask Spike.

Spike sniffs the air as I walk further into the alley, stake in hand. I'm almost to the other end of the alley when I find the source lying between two dumpsters. A body. The smell is thick in the air and sickening. Spike comes up beside me as I cover my face with a sleeve. Crouching down I use my stake to turn the head. The body has been here awhile because insects and vermin have started to consume the flesh. I repress the urge to vomit and look closely. "My god! It's Michael." I hear myself whisper. I back up and slowly make my way to the opposite wall. I can taste the bile in my throat but refuse to give in to it. Spike is looking at the body, probably trying to find what killed it. Michael looks like he's been crushed. I take deep breaths, trying to stay calm. The smell of rotting corpse is suffocating me.

"You okay, luv?" All I can do is shake my head no. Spike takes me by the shoulders and ushers me out of the alley and away from the stench. He sits me on a bus bench.. "Take some deep breaths pet. It'll help clear your head." After a few cleansing breaths I no longer want to be ill

"Michael." I whisper, and then look up at Spike. "Someone killed Michael."

"Who's Michael?"

"The bartender at the bar where I used to fight. He's dead." I look down at my lap. I'm still clutching my stake and Spike takes it from me. He puts it in his coat and stands me up. I'm as pliable as a doll right now. I don't know what to think about this. It's just so, shocking. "Come on pet, let's get you home." Putting his arm around me, we walk back home. 

"I need a drink." I state as we head up the stares to Wolfram and Hart building.

"Come on then. I'll take you back to my place. Angel never keeps anything interesting around, I have the good alcohol."


	18. Chapter 18

I don't know how long we've been here at Spike's, all I know right now is that I'm very drunk and slightly hungry. So I get up and start looking through the cabinet for anything to eat. So far I haven't found anything.

"What are you looking for?" Spike yells from the living room.

"You don' have no food." 

"Hello vampire. Why does everyone keep forgetting that?"

"Because you're so cute. AHA!" I yell that last bit like I just found the cure for cancer.

"What'd ya find pet."

"Who needs food? I found Tequila." I wrench off the top of the bottle and swallow a good sized mouthful. "You know, I liked Michael. He was a good person. He was a bad gambler but a good person. Didn't deserve what he got." Spike is being to quiet. He's thinking to hard. He hasn't drunk enough.

"Whatcha thinking 'Blondie Bear'?" I ask as I sit down beside him. Or rather fall down beside him. 

"That I'm bloody well going to rip your tongue out if you call me that again." 

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. I guess Harmony is rubbing off on me…What a terrible thought."  Not even a chuckle from the him. I take a few more drinks of my tequila before speaking again. 

"Spike?"

"Yeah pet."

"Dru knew."

"What?"

"Dru. She knew about New York and after."

"What makes you think that""

"She told me. Something about cakes and knights. It made sense at the time."

Spike doesn't say anything, he just takes the bottle from me and swallows some of the liquid. I am very drunk now and silence sucks. I look through Spike CD's until I find what I want. When the music starts, I lay down next to Spike, who is sitting on the floor, using his leg as a pillow.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, luv?"

"I wanna tell you sumthin'."

"What's that?"

"I think I'm goin' nuts. I've been having these feelings that aren't real."

"What kind of feelings."

"Like someone is in the room with me, when nobody's there. Like they're holdin' me, feedin' from me. Then I taste blood, when there's no blood to taste." 

"You tell Angel about this?"

"Hell no. He'd think I was nutters. Spike, what if I am. What if….?" I say with a sigh.

"It's okay pet, we'll look into it tomorrow."

"I'm very drunk aren't I?"

"Yes you are."

"Damn, Angel is going to be pissed. Maybe I can slip into that spare room of his before he notices."

"Not bloody likely. Poof won't like you coming home drunk, even though he's done it before."

"Don't wanna argue when I'm drunk. I couldn't fight a sneeze right now." I finish out the sentence with a yawn.

"You're about to fall asleep." He states.

"Yep."

"You take the bed, I'll take the couch."

"Nope, I'm fine here."

"You can't sleep on the floor with me as a pillow. Get up and go to bed." 

"S'not fair."

"What's that Pet?"

"It's your bed."

"I'll be fine."  

"M'kay" I get up and stumble to the bathroom. It takes me forever but I get ready for bed, using one of Spike's shirts as sleepwear. 

 

***

That girl is bloody confusing when she is drunk. Shouldn't have let her have the tequila. She is going to have a right bad hangover in the morning. What's worse is her convincing herself that she's going crazy. It might be true if she is feeling things that aren't there. I'll have to remember to have Fred take a look at her in the morning. 

I pick up the bottles and put the empty ones in the trash and the left over tequila on the counter. I am about to check on Kay when there is knock on the door. Who the hell would be coming around at 7 am? I pull open the door and there stands Angel.

"Where is Kay?"

"In the bathroom. Why?"

"She didn't come home." Angel looks around the room and stopping to look at the bottle of tequila on the counter. His face turns very serious and looks back at me. Just then Kay opens the bathroom door and I'll be damned if she isn't wearing one of my shirts and pair of panties. I am admiring the view when she sees Angel. 

"Hi Da. You coming to bed Spike?"

"Just a minute pet." She goes into the bedroom and shuts the door. I know what she means with her sleep and alcohol muddled thinking and I should explain what's going on, but screw it. Let him ask her about it.

"What is going on, Spike?" The sound of Angel's voice has a hint of Angelus in it. "I trust you to watch out for her and you get her drunk, and take advantage of her." 

"Take advantage? I've been takin' care of her, now and years back. Don't start getting all paternal now. Good night Angel." Probably a mistake to smart off to him like that but he just pisses me off. I try to close the door but he pushes it open and slams me against the wall with a hand around my throat. He is squeezing so hard I can feel the bruises forming.

"You forget who you're talking to, boy." He gives me a final push and walks to the bedroom door, flinging it open. He comes back out with Kay passed out in his arms. He growls as he leaves with her. I watch him walk down the hall, debating on whether to stop him, but decide against it. I shut the door and walk over, picking up the bottle of tequila. I take a drink and throw it against a cabinet door, watching the shower of glass and amber liquid. Angel, that damn bloody wanker.


	19. Chapter 19

Okay, I'm learning my lesson. Tequila and Jack are bad, very bad. I haven't even opened my eyes yet and the world is throbbing. So much for drowning my troubles. Hurts to think and I'm sure its going to hurt to move. Yep, I was right. Opening my eyes hurts like hell. And how in god's name did I get back to my room. I remember going to sleep in Spike's bed then….oh shit. I sit up and curse the world for spinning. That's when I realize that I'm wearing underwear and one of Spike's shirt. Double damn. Note for future reference: Do not get that drunk again. This might be the reason I was never allowed to drink. It wouldn't have been good to be by myself, forgetting who I was with or where I was. Let alone what I did the night before. Without a complete memory my imagination has a chance to take over and I can only hope that I didn't do anything my imagination conjures up.

Walking to the shower, I try to remember last night. I give up by the time the hot water is running over me. I will never drink like that again. I stay in the shower until the water runs cold and I feel slightly better. I dry off, get dressed and head out of the bedroom. 

The look Angel gives me sends shivers down my spine. I've obviously done something or someone wrong. 

"We need to talk." Again with the glare but this time a stern voice to go with it. What did he see last night that I don't remember? I look at the table and see a cup of coffee already placed in front of an empty chair. I should be worried but my head hurts too much. So I sit down at the table and take a few sips of the coffee. 

"I know, I know. A drunken me is a bad me. Can we skip the lecture about the evils of alcohol?"

"I'm not going to lecture you, Katherine." He says very calmly, but I can tell he is very upset about something. He rarely uses my entire name. 

"Then what do we need to talk about?" I ask, even though I have a feeling I know what this is about.

"You and Spike." He says. I remain silent. I should have figured this was coming sooner or later. I look at him as innocently at possible. "Last night, I got worried and looked for you. I found you at Spike's apartment. Wearing only a shirt. When I asked him about it he told me to butt out because he took care of you for years."

"And?"

"I want to know what's going on between you two." His voice has a twinge of deadly seriousness, but behind it all, I hear the concern. It's weird having a parent figure after all these years. I don't want to hurt him but I guess his imagination is worse than mine.

"Nothing is going on between Spike and I."

"Then what was last night."

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to rub the throbbing headache out of my temples. "Last night was me coping. We found Michael dead last night and I was dealing with it. I talked with a friend. Granted, there was a lot of alcohol involved."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Who? Michael?" 

"Spike."

"Da!" I get up and walk to the refrigerator to pour some pigs blood. When I turn my head back to him, he is staring me down. I let out an exasperated sigh and put the mug on the table with a loud thump. "You tell me."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean it Da. If I had slept with him, wouldn't you be able to tell? Smell him all over me?" Angel doesn't say anything; he just looks at me in total shock.

"You don't remember last night." A simple statement but it sounds so damning when it falls from his lips. I sit in the chair beside him.

"What exactly do you want to know? And yes, I don't remember, which sucks." After that, I drink my blood and watch the steam from the coffee. We sit in total silence, not knowing how to go on. He is obviously thinking hard about what he wants to ask, then his voice cracks the stillness, like a whip.

"I want to know what happened with you after I left. I need to know."

I study him for the longest time. Then taking his hand, I lead him to the couch where we sit and I tell him everything. Of course, I omit the explicit details. When I get to the part about Spike and I, sleeping together, he goes ballistic. I have to literally stop him from storming out the door to stake his grand childe. By the time we finish it is well past 1 am. He is obviously not pleased with my story. But what can he do about it? Sure, he can stake Spike, but it wouldn't do any good.

I grab a smoke and start to light up. He opens his mouth to let out a rebuke for smoking when the phone rings. Angel picks up the receiver and after a few short words, he hangs up. 

"Kay, who knows you’re here?"

"No one. Why?"

"There's a package for you in the lobby." 

I stand up and head for the door with Angel in the lead. Who would send me a package? I was just too curious not to find out.

We arrive at Harmony's desk and she hands me an 8"x 11" envelope. Angel takes me into his office where I open it. In the package, there are photos of Spike and I near Michael's body and of us play fighting on the sidewalk. My hands are visibly shaking with anger. I'm being followed. As I flip through the photo's each one makes me clench my jaw. The last thing I pull from the envelope is a computer printed note.

 

_ Katherine, _

_ I've been watching and have come to realize that I can't openly approach you because you're too well guarded. Of course, I wouldn't have had this problem if Michael had followed my instructions as I paid him to do. Now he is no longer a problem. _

_ If I have to, I will go through each of your friends one by one, until you are alone. It's up to you. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Paul _

 

I am so angry at this moment that I could scream. I never liked being threatened. Angel has been looking through the photos I laid down. When I finish the letter he takes it from me and reads it. As he's studying the note, the sensation comes back. Of arms around me and blood in my mouth. 

Angel looks at me and picks up the phone. He tells Harmony to have Wes, Fred, Gunn, Lorne, and Spike to come to his office. When he replaces the receiver, something catches his eye. He bends down in front of me and picks up a picture I must have dropped. He studies it for a moment and gets a scowl on his face. I'm about to ask what it was, when his crew walks in. Each with that no nonsense, "What's up!" appearance. Spike, of course, saunters in behind everyone. 

Angel sits on the edge of his desk and cuts a look towards Spike, who stands next to me. Please Da, have the good sense not to start that now. "Kay got a delivery today. It would seem that the vampire who attacked her is following her. It also appears that he is here in Wolfram and Hart or someone that is working for him, is." 

My jaw hits the floor and my blood pressure rises. The thought of him being in the same building makes my flesh crawl. Angel hands a photograph to Wesley who examines it closely.

"Is that the lobby?" Wesley asks indicated the image he is holding. Angel shakes his head yes. The paper passes to each person and then finally to me. There I am frozen in time on the first day I came to Wolfram and Hart to see Angel. Bloody, battered and carrying my helmet. I feel like I'm going to be physically ill, between the hangover and this, who could blame me. I barely hear Angel telling the others to look for the person who took the pictures, something about telepaths and forensics. 

All I really can hear is the rushing of blood in my ears. I don't notice I'm crying until a tear hits the paper. Then I remember something like this happening before. The council had followed me, to the point of almost driving me mad. Always showing me photos of my transgressions and then punishing me for them. To this day, I can hear my captor's voice through my screams. 

I lift my eyes from the photo and see everyone is gone except Spike, Angel and Wesley. The later of the two are talking quietly together and Spike is listening in. I sneak out of the office and head for Angel's apartment. I've had enough sitting around waiting for Paul to attack. I'm going to do something about it once and for all.  


	20. Chapter 20

It doesn't take long to get ready. I take the usual with me. A stake, a knife, and holy water. I make it out of the building without being stopped. It won't be long now before they figure out I'm gone. I've never been one to let others fight my battles. I don’t want to start now, even though Angel and Spike would want to help. 

I hail a cab and give him directions to my destination, Michael's bar. Just as the cab pulls away from the curb, the taste of blood is stronger and when I close my eyes I see Paul pull back from his victims throat. Blood and gore dripping from his fangs.

 

****

 

The car pulls up to the bar and I pay the driver, adding a large tip and instructing him that I was never his fare. He understands and speeds away. The door of the bar is hanging on by one hinge and leaning partly open. The locals must have heard about Michael's death and looted the place. I make sure no one is following me and head for the entryway, pulling out a stake, just in case. I gently move the door aside to sneak in, there could be unfriendly squatters living inside.

Once inside I see what's left of the little place. The only thing left is the bar, a few shelves and anything else that is too big to move or is nailed down. I don't even know why I came here. I guess I'm hoping to find and address, but the vultures have picked the place clean and I'll be lucky to find a scrap of paper. 

I walk back to Michael's office, there are papers strewn all over the floor and the desk is overturned. I carefully search the room for any occupants and find none. I bend down and start looking through the papers. I'm still not sure what I'm looking for, just anything about money or Paul. 

Fifteen minutes later, I still haven't found anything. I give up and stand, that's when I hear the click of a gun's hammer. I remain completely still and move my eyes to the right and left. At least two men that I can see, but I can't tell if their demon or not. What I can't believe is that I didn't hear them come in.

"Hands up! Slowly!" A deep voice says from behind me. I comply and raise my hands to either side of my shoulders. "Drop the stake and turn around!" Again, I comply. I have no idea what or who is behind me. Obviously these men aren't cops because they don't have that cop smell. The smell of doughnut glaze and sweat. These men smell different somehow.

I finish my turn and come face to face, or rather barrel, with Paul. His blue eyes snapping with delight and a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth, I repress the urge to rage against him. Many things I am, but immune to bullets. No. 

"So nice to see you Katherine." He says to me, never moving the gun. "Never thought I would get to talk to you. Alone that is."

I count the men in the room. Six in all, which I could fight if three of them didn't have guns aimed at me and the other three standing by the door. Paul motions to one of his men and the minion scurries forward. He searches me, removing my holy water and knife. I watch him out of the corner of my eye but keep my attention on Paul. The man with my weapons puts them in his jacket and moves back to the other side of the room. 

"You came prepared I see." Paul says, looking slightly amuzed.

"Never leave home with out them." I say as calmly as I can. 

"Yes, well I don't think you'll need them where you're going." 

"Going?" Paul doesn't answer. A sharp pain sears through my chest. I look down and see a small red tuft of fuzz sticking through my shirt. I reach down and pull it, bringing out a dart. I look at the needle and back at Paul. My vision blurs and I fall to the floor, into the darkness.

 

****

"Angel!" Wesley rushes into the room carrying a print out. 

"Did you find her?"

"No, but we found him. At this address." Wesley says handing over the paper. "It would seem he is under our employ. Specifically in my department."

"Not for long. Come on." Angel growls as he, Spike and Wesley head for the elevator.

 

****

I wake up, my hangover worse than ever. Probably from the tranquilizer. I try to get up but can't. I discover that I'm tied down. I look around and see that the room is filled with candles. Not to far from where I lay I see another table with ritual tools and a spell book laid out, which means I must be on some kind of altar. I have no idea what is going on but I don't like it at all. 

I pull at my restraints but they won't move. Paul's done his homework; he knows just how much it would take to restrain me. I give another hard yank and a hand is on my shoulder.

"Sleep well? I hope so. You'll need the rest." Paul says as he comes around so I can see him.

"What the hell is this?"

"It's very simple. I can't believe you haven't figured it out by now. You're a smart girl." I start thinking of the way I'm going to kill this man when he shifts into his demon face and comes nose to nose with me. "You're thinking of ways to kill me. Rather enlightening thoughts you have, my dear."

"Thoughts?" God I wish I had told someone where I was going. 

"Yes. All of them. Especially about that one who raised you. What's his name?"

"Blow it out your ass."

"Tsk.tsk. Language." Paul moves to the table with the book and looks at it, while talking to another man nearby.

Great, he can read my mind. Since when do vampires read minds? This is not good. This whole thing is not good.

"Do you have any idea why I know what you're thinking Katherine?"

"No. Why don't you tell me?" I say while trying to find the hook that my ropes are connected to. The man beside Paul, moves to my side and begins to cut open my shirt. I try not to watch him. Stay focused. 

"You're a part of me and just not in the biological sense. You see, when I turned your mother, somehow you became what you are. Do you know why a vampire is a vampire?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "A demon takes over the body."

"Right. However, in our case a part of my demon, an essence if you will, took up residence in your body, changing you physically. Never quite figured out how that happened but now I know how to get it back. I'm tired of feeling what you feel and see what you see. I'm tired of feeling as if I have a soul, which let me assure you, I don't. I want to be whole and rid of you." 

"Why not kill me?"

"Doesn't work like that. Have you ever wondered why you haven't been killed yet? You've had enough narrow escapes. For instance, after I drained you. Which I have to admit that evening was a moment of weakness. But, you can't be killed because part of my demon inside you. The demon needs to be whole if it is to be killed. See?" 

I avert my eyes from his face and watch the man who is prepping me for what ever ritual was going to be performed. He begin to cut symbols across my chest with a dagger. Paul steps forward and strokes the hair back from my forehead. "It will be interesting to see if you survive this procedure." Paul presses his cold lips to my forehead and walks out of the room, his minion following close behind. 

I lay there and think about what he said to me. Then it makes sense to me, the sensations of blood in my mouth are his experiences feeding, bleeding through the link we have. I've always had these feelings, but it wasn't until he fed from me all those weeks ago that it intensified. A heavy feeling came over me and I prayed silently into the darkness.

 

****

"Is this the place?" I ask Angel as he comes to a stop outside a large house. 

"That's the address we got from the personnel files." Wesley says from the back seat. 

"For being a lawyer, this isn't very impressive." I get out of the car and wait on the sidewalk, stake in hand. 

"We need to find her rather quickly. The sun will be up shortly." Wesley says looking at the eastern horizon. He and Angel pass me on the sidewalk and I fall in step beside them. Angel says nothing as we walk up to the house. With the usual Angel flare, the poof kicks the door in and we step inside, ready to fight.

"No one's attacking us?" Angel says looking a little disappointed.

"Really peaches? What was your first clue?" I sneer as I waltz past him. "So Sherlock, which way do we go first?"

 

****

The ritual has started. Men in robes chanting, spirals of incense smoke moving towards the ceiling. Paul begins the incantations and the bloodletting. My blood. He goes on for what seems an eternity when he takes the cup that has been gathering my blood and brings it to his lips. Taking a deep draught, he opens his own wrist and lets it flow into the cup. There is excruciating pain in my chest and the room fills with a blinding light. Is that me screaming? Then it suddenly stops. I hear voices yelling and the sounds flesh hitting flesh. I turn my head to see what is happening. 

Paul is standing a few feet away in full game face, fighting. Then my eyes adjust, Paul is fighting Wesley while Angel was distracted with the men in robes. I go to move but the ropes hold me in place. Then there is a hand at my wrists cutting me free. 

"Spike?"

"Yeah pet, it's me. Didn't think I'd let you have all the fun now?" He helps me up and I grab the stake from his duster. 

"What the hell?"

"Paul will kill Wesley, besides that son of a bitch's head is mine." I stand up, feeling good considering what happened. I run forward and tackle Paul from the side. I move to stake him but he catches my arm. 

"You can't kill me, Katherine. The ritual wasn't completed. The best we can come to is a stale mate." We stop fighting each other as what he says sinks in, but neither of us moves. I look deep into his eyes, and for the first time I notice that, they are blue, like mine. Then I find the answer, buried deep in his mind. He looks at me with terror filling his eyes as I lean down and take his lips in mine. I feel the part of us that is shared, come together as one and I see Paul, completely. I see his entire life and unlife in that moment, reliving it with him. In that moment of unity I find my body and will my hand past his, driving the stake home.  

As his body turns to dust, I feel his demon die and my part return to where it belongs, in me. I open my eyes to see a pile of ashes beneath me and his dust in my mouth. I look up to see my three rescuers looking at me with what is best described as disgusted shock. I spit a glob of ash from my tongue and speak.

"I want to go home now."


	21. Chapter 21

One Month Later:

It's three pm and I can't sleep. I just sit in this chair staring at the bed wishing I could drift off. After what happened with Paul, I can't sleep well at all, if at all. They made me sing for Lorne, or should I say, he made me sing for him. Angel was worried that I had taken on more demon than I originally had. Lorne was cryptic at best. He told me that I was were I needed to be and would know when it needed to change. But most of all, the demon in me was, for a lack of a better term sleeping. I felt at peace in a way. Wesley believes that when I kissed Paul it temporarily completed the spell, thus making him a complete vampire that was killable, but it had no damaging effects on me. 

Ever since the I came back, Fred has had immense fun poking and prodding me, trying to figure out how a demon lives in a human. One word comes to mind, symbiotic. I don't mind. I've lived with it for almost 60 years; the rest of my life won't matter.

I look again at the bed and the man sleeping in it. Spike. Now there is what blows my mind. About a week after the ritual, Spike seduced me or was it the other way around? Anyway, we've been inseparable, and he has repeatedly reassured me that I'm not something to pass the time. I've since been staying with him in his apartment and it just feels strange to me. I should be happy, deliriously so, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I do love Spike, but something just doesn't feel right. 

Spike rolls over in his sleep, moaning slightly. Then I hear it. "Buffy?" Barely a whisper from his lips and he quiets back down. I feel my chest tighten and I realize in that moment that he will never love me the way I need or want. I will forever be fighting the ghost of another woman. I'm just not strong enough for that. I watch him toss and turn for a while before I get up. I pack my bags quietly, and then dress. I leave the bedroom and sit at the table with pen in hand. 

> _ Dear Spike, _
> 
> _ I'm writing you this to say goodbye. I've enjoyed being with you these past few months but I've come to realize that you love me, but you're not in love with me and never will be. You're in love with someone else and I understand that, I'm just not brave enough or strong enough to compete with her. I wouldn't know where to begin. Therefore, I'm leaving to save myself from that pain and to wrestle a few personal demons (figuratively speaking). _
> 
> _ I just want you to know that I love you more than I've loved anyone in my life and always will. I'm grateful for the time that we've shared and you will always have a place in my heart.  _
> 
> _ With eternal love, _
> 
> _ Katherine "Pet" _

I fold the letter carefully and leave it in the center of the table. I pick up my bags, swallowing the lump in my throat and leave the apartment. 

****

As I walk through the lobby of Wolfram & Hart, I see that Angel is still in his office. I turn and head in that direction. Knocking on his door, he motions for me to come in. 

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to say goodbye." Angel gets up from his desk to come around and sit on the front edge of it.

"Any particular reason you're leaving?"

"Straighten out my head a bit. Maybe even find a nice quiet corner of the world and retire. Try to start a life that doesn't dive so deeply into the darkness." He moves forward and takes me into his arms. 

"I understand Katy" I return the embrace.

"Thank you Da." I pull back so that I can see his face. "Can you do something for me?"

"Name it."

"You and Spike. Try to get along, at least a little bit"

"He starts it." Angel says, pouting slightly. 

"I mean it. It took me a long while to find you two, so don't go staking each other." I poke Angel in the chest to make sure he gets my point. 

"Alright. I promise not to stake him."

"Good." I let go of my father and adjust the shoulder strap of my bag. "Well I should go. Suns down and I need to catch a bus. Tell everyone bye for me?"

"Sure thing, but don't leave just yet. I've been meaning to give you something." Angel walks behind his desk and reaches in a drawer. After a minute of searching, he pulls out a set of keys and comes back to my side to hand them to me.

"What's this?"

"Your bike. I had it picked up after you came here and parked it with next to my Viper in the garage. Thought you might like it back." He says with a small smile. I feel my eyes clouding up with tears. I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you again."

"Anything for my little girl."

"I'm not so little you know?"

"I know, but I still love you." 

"I love you too, Da." We stood there for the longest moment, and then I cleared my throat and stepped back. "I should get going."

I walk to the door and turn around. "Remember what I said."

"No staking Captain Peroxide."  He says, with a wry smile.

"Because I will be checking in from time to time and I wouldn't have to come back to kick someone's undead ass."

***

I find my bike in the garage, just as Angel said and it's all washed and polished. I climb into the seat and start the engine. It must have been tuned up too because it never ran this well. I rev the engine and let go of the brake, and with a roar, I race into the darkness to face the world again. I'm sad to be leaving but for the first time in my life… I have no regrets.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long while since I read this, so if you see anything that I should tag for. Let me know.


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